Enjoying a pleasant dog in the metaverse

“Look bro the VR headset was like $669 dollars. I cannot afford any more games for it. We play the pickle Rick game over and over and then we go to bed. That’s the rules ok?"

He’s not listening to me. He’s staring off into the distance, and then suddenly he turns to me and says

“Look… I know a way of installing content onto your VR headset off the dark web. I know a guy. Well I don’t know him, he just once up voted a bunch of my comments on the R/aretrapsgay and we became close friends. He told me he knows a site you can go to where you can install all the latest games on your headset, free of charge… if you’re willing to live with it”

This is the most he’s spoken all night… I feel like he’s been leading up to this point intentionally, trying to wait for the right time to bring this subject up because he’s been brewing on it. We don’t usually hang out and I was a little weirded out when he insisted on coming over to check out my new VR headset. I should have known he was up to something.

“look bro” I say “I don’t even jaywalk. I am a law abiding citizen and future US marine army corporal.”

“Nobody will know bro, I used a Nord VPN suggested to me by leafy, it’s solid. Worse case scenario is that some nobody in Lithuania will get busted by the feds for downloading a mars bar. I got you. Hey we’ve been friends for what?” he replies

“I barely know you”

“Forever, exactly. I wouldn’t do this to you if I wasn’t sure I wouldn’t get in trouble in any way. You can trust me”

I give in mostly because I’m tired of his bullshit. He yanks the headset out of my hands and takes control of my computer. Within minutes he’s on some weird website that’s so fucked up they cant even spell dog correctly.

He’s rambling during this process

“look bro like this will take you to new places, new worlds. I saw this guy on youtube managed to conjure a fucking dog just by thinking about it, and then he put on his VR headset and took it outside and walked it down the street, it’ll blow you fucking mind” He says.

“Ok bro, its done… Thanks for letting me come over and do this. You go first, not because I’m scared but because I respect you so much and I think the movie posters you have on your walls are cool and I also like these movies. “ He finishes, handing me back my headset.

“Just remember. When you put it on, click on extended apps and select the dogecore.exe one. And err, prepare yourself for a wild ride”

I’m skeptical but I slowly lower the headset onto my face, my last memory is his grinning face.

I navigate through the menu’s by flailing my arms around until I find extended apps. Dogecore.exe is there, it’s 69GB’s big and I’m asking myself, ‘how the fuck did he download that in such a short amount of time?’ I select it and my headset goes dark, silent. I can’t even hear him in the background or the music we were listening to (Tool - Lateralus). It’s dead quite. I am in the void.

Slowly I hear something approaching, slow pitter patter of tiny soft steps until I see in the black distance a small dog. From my studies of ancient lore I know this to be a Labrador. It walks right up to me and asks me if I would want to see wild and crazy things. I say “I am ready”. It sits in front of me and lifts its paw, and I accept.

Colours rush by me, images of a dogs running, fetching things just like I’d been told they do, happen and in the corner of my eye I see one eat a burrito in a split second and I will hold that memory forever. The focus pulls out and zooms in at the same time - I’m in a field. These great beasts are all around me, rolling around, one is taking a poop. St Bernard’s? I wish I didn’t sleep so much in class. I’m trying to remember my studies of dogecore lore so I can make sense of what I’m seeing. Such variety. One slowly waddles over to me and lays its head on my lap. I remember this much – St Bernard’s carry brandy in the tiny barrels around their necks. I unplug his neck barrel and suckle on it, feeling the thick rich brandy drip down my chin.

When I’m done, the dog licks the side of my face. I see his fangs, huge canines able to rip through my skin. It walks away and starts licking its balls. I should be terrified but I am not, I’m blissful, trying to work out how it was possible that i could drink in VR.


I take try to take off my headset and I am unable to. I lift the headset off my face, but the world in front of me is the same. I’m holding my VR rig and it has a strange UV glow to it. I put it aside and stand up but as I do I fall down, through the grass and suddenly I’m free falling until I land on a soft bed of pillows. All around me is dark apart from the light of the white bed sheets and the pillows of the surface I have fallen onto like an island. Slowly out of the dark emerge 420 sausage dog puppies. They crawl all over me like maggots. I was enjoying it until they begin to clog my mouth and nose holes and I struggle to breath but there’s too many of them, I’m flailing, trying to get them off of me, trying to take a breath. I feel my vision going. I take a huge toke of air and all I huff is dog and suddenly I’m on the floor of my room. My mum is shaking me. I chug a load of 02 and sit up straight. She’s crying, there’s an EMT there and my dad is staring at me.


“Son… what did you do?” my mum says through tears staring into my eye ports. My head feels clammy and I hold my hand to my to wipe the sweat off, and when I pull it back its covered in blood.

Leave a comment