• do not approach me
  • do not approach me
  • do not approach me

do not approach me

Regular price £20.00

They say cooties aren't real but I know that's not true. I happen to suffer from them but I am A symptomatic. I thought it was just bad luck at first and after that a strange set of coincidences. Coincimental things would happen way too often and I'm there in the middle of it all wondering if it has something to do with me. That's when I realized I suffered from cooties and it was probably best that I isolate myself.

The first time it happened was when I kissed a boy and a day later they found him at the bottom of a well. Nobody knows how he got in there but he was dead alright, they brought him up and wondered if he jumped in himself or fell. Nobody knew. And the next boy who kissed me, a week later he crashes his car. Funny thing about this one was that nobody else was on the road at the time, he was sober, it was the middle of the day. He just.... Somehow veered off the road and straight into a tree.

But I had to live my life, I can't say I had the best taste in men so maybe these were just broken individuals and I had chosen poorly and got wrapped up in their damaged lives. But after it happened a third time I had to question my own involvement in these twisted events. The third boy I kissed was lovely. I met him through the horticulture group at school and we appreciated the same flowers. He knew we were hitting it off so he asked me to join him on a walk sometime and later took me to a secret spot of his. It overlooked the whole town and was beautiful and its where he made his move and kissed me. It was so gentle and he was so humble. We held hands together as the sun went down before he walked me home. A real gentleman. They found him the next day, well, parts of him anyway. Not 24 hours after we kissed he went onto the highway bridge, wrapped some rope around his neck and the rest of it to a breeze block and threw it off the bridge into traffic. Took his fucking head right off and nearly killed somebody driving below.

So I stopped kissing boys after that. Now I just make long furby's alone in my apartment and sell them on Etsy for tons of money. You wouldn't believe what people would pay for these things. It's a strange life but it's mine and I love it, just me and my furby's. No boys allowed (for their own protection).

 Defends you against bad men in your life

• 100% combed and ringspun cotton 100% not got cooties

• 30 singles thread weight

• Side-seamed

Size Length Width
XS 26" / 66cm 16 1/4" / 41/3cm


27” / 68.6cm

18 1/4” / 46.4cm


28” / 71cm

20 1/4” / 51.4cm


39” / 73.7cm

22 1/4” / 56.5cm


30” / 76.2cm

24 1/4” / 61.6cm


31” / 78.7cm

26 1/4” / 66.7cm



Product measurements may vary by up to 2"(5 cm).

If you want to measure one of your products at home and compare:


Place the end of the tape beside the collar at the top of the tee (Highest Point Shoulder). Pull the tape measure to the bottom of the shirt.


Place the end of the tape at the seam under the sleeve and pull the tape measure across the shirt to the seam under the opposite sleeve.


૮ ˘ﻌ˘ ა

Our printed apparel can be machine-washed cold, inside-out on a gentle cycle with a mild detergent and like colors. Use non-chlorine bleach only when necessary. You shouldn't use any fabric softeners or dry-clean the items.


(„• ᴗ •„)

We ship worldwide. All of our items are printed to order, especially for you. This is to ensure we create no waste by creating a terrible design nobody likes and having to donate 420 preprinted tshirts to landfill. With this in mind, please contact us immediately, if you need to make any adjustments to your order (size/colour changes).

Orders are being printed and sent out daily throughout the week directly from our printing fulfillment centres located in the EU, USA and the UK. Your order will be fulfilled from the nearest print centre to your shipping location.

Current fulfillment time is 1-5 days depending on the items ordered. Usual delivery times are 3 business days after fulfilment for the USA, 5 for the EU and 10 for the rest of the world.

You will receive a tracking link once your order is shipped. Don't be surprised if you only received one part of your order as some items may be shipped from different warehouses depending on stock availability, so will have different delivery times. 

If you're unsure about anything please contact us and we will reply within 24 hours. I spend a lot of time at my computer crying so usually I respond, tearfully, within an hour.



You have 14 days from the arrival date of your order to return your items. We accept returns on unworn, unwashed clothing, that doesn't smell of the tesco cologne you stole from your father. 

Don't be shy to reach out to us if there's any problems or you have any queries, we're extremely lenient and making sure you are happy is really important to us.

Returns need to be shipped back to the address listed on your packing slip. You will be expected to pay the return shipping cost. If you need to return someting, contact us for further instructions.