Having trouble getting out of bed today? Do you often think to yourself 'I'd sell my soul to my landlord if he would remove my bladder so I could stay in bed longer'? I do. Sometimes when I'm laying in bed at 3pm having just woken up, I think about how good it would be to not have to leave…
Having trouble getting out of bed today? Do you often think to yourself 'I'd sell my soul to my landlord if he would remove my bladder so I could stay in bed longer'? I do. Sometimes when I'm laying in bed at 3pm having just woken up, I think about how good it would be to not have to leave the comfort of the blankets. On average a cat sleeps 12 - 18 hours a day, why can't I?
I called my boss and told him that I'm not coming in tomorrow. Either he lets me work from my bed or he can get to fuck. He told me that I can't make subway sandwiches from my bed as it goes against hygiene standards so I told him to go fuck himself and hung up. That evening I prepared for the rest of the weekend by moving a minifridge next to my bed and filling it with burger patties. On top of the fridge I placed a George Foreman grill, some ketchup, buns and 4 boxes of red wine. Alongside the fridge were 3 empty piss bottles and a bedpan I fashioned out of an old cowboy hat lined with clingfilm. A 56inch television loomed over the end of my bed with a 45+ hour long playlist on youtube entirely about the lore of Warhammer 40K ready to go.
I was going to do it. I knew the spirits of all the sleepyboys that came before were looking down on me that night as I drifted off to sleep to the hum of the little fridge next to me. The scent of wet wipes ready to go hung heavy in the air reassuringly . I was to be one man against nature. One man against god. Fuck getting out of bed, you can peel me from this mattress when I'm fused to it.
Heavyweight (8.5 oz/yd² | 288.2 g/m²) hoodie with direct-to-garment print. Made in WRAP-certified facilities.
Size
Length
Width
S
27” / 68.6cm
20” / 50.8cm
M
28” / 71cm
21” / 53.3cm
L
29” / 73.7cm
23” / 58.4cm
XL
30” / 76.2cm
25” / 63.5cm
2XL
31” / 78.7cm
26 1/2” / 67.3cm
3XL
32” / 81.3cm
28” / 71cm
Product measurements may vary by up to 2"(5 cm).
If you want to measure one of your products at home and compare:
Length
Place the end of a measuring tape beside the collar at the top of the garment (high point shoulder). Pull the tape to the bottom of the item.
Width
Place the end of a measuring tape at one side of the chest area and pull the tape across to the other side of the product.
Turn your garment inside out to avoid scratches and friction, keeping the printed area safe. Wash them with cold water—opt for temperatures at or below 30°C (86°F) to be gentle on the print, preventing fading or shrinkage. Use a delicate cycle—set your machine to around 600 rpm to minimize friction. Choose a soft detergent, as harsher ones can cause the ink to fade or discolor. Avoid fabric softener and dry cleaning, as they can be too harsh for the ink, degrading print quality. Additionally, avoid bleach; although it’s best not to use bleach, you can opt for a non-chlorine bleach if necessary.
Shipping & Delivery
Please contact us immediately if you need to adjust your order.
Avoid parcel lockers and PO boxes; they often cause delivery issues.
All orders ship with tracking; if you don’t get tracking within 5 business days, contact us.
If your order is lost in the mail, we replace it on us.
Processing & transit times
Processing: 2–5 days.
Delivery: 3 business days (USA), 5 (EU & UK), 10 (rest of world), longer during holidays.
Returns & exchanges
14 days from delivery to return.
Items must be unworn and unwashed.
Returns go to our USA, UK, or EU warehouses; you cover return shipping.
One or more of the items in your cart is a recurring or deferred purchase. By continuing, I agree to the cancellation policy and authorize you to charge my payment method at the prices, frequency and dates listed on this page until my order is fulfilled or I cancel, if permitted.
