from the moment you break out of the meat prison that is your mother, you're trapped in the maximum security gay baby jail that is your own flesh until the end.you were born into this world screaming and crying, flailing your little dumbass arms around and you'll continue to do this for like 69 years until you finally pass into…
from the moment you break out of the meat prison that is your mother, you're trapped in the maximum security gay baby jail that is your own flesh until the end.
you were born into this world screaming and crying, flailing your little dumbass arms around and you'll continue to do this for like 69 years until you finally pass into the void.
Or is the story of death and rebirth real? Are we stuck in a sad loop of crying and screaming until the heat death of the universe? Who knows, this cat sure fucking doesn't.
Garment-dyed, heavyweight cotton T-shirt with a relaxed fit and a direct-to-garment print made with Oeko-Tex™ certified inks. It's pre-shrunk, so no need to worry about shrinkage. To avoid any fading or cracking of the print simply follow our wash care instructions.
Above model is 6" / 183cm
Above model is 5.5" / 167cm
Size Guide (in / cm)
Size
L
W
S
S
26⅝ / 67.6
18¼ / 46.4
16¼ / 41.3
M
28 / 71
20¼ / 51.4
17¾ / 45
L
29⅜ / 74.6
22 / 56
19 / 48.3
XL
30¾ / 78
24 / 61
20½ / 52
2XL
31⅝ / 80.3
26 / 66
21¾ / 55.2
3XL
32½ / 82.6
27¾ / 70.5
23¼ / 59
4XL
33½ / 85
29¾ / 75.6
24⅝ / 62.6
L = Length · W = Width · S = Sleeve ±2" / 5 cm variance
To measure at home: Length – top shoulder to bottom hem Width – armpit to armpit Sleeve – top of sleeve to cuff
Turn the garment inside out to protect the print. Wash in cold water (30°C/86°F) on a delicate cycle (around 600 rpm) using a soft detergent. Avoid fabric softener, bleach (even non-chlorine if possible), dry cleaning, and using a dryer to prevent fading, shrinkage, or damage to the print.
Shipping & Delivery
Please contact us immediately if you need to adjust your order.
Avoid parcel lockers and PO boxes; they often cause delivery issues.
All orders ship with tracking; if you don’t get tracking within 5 business days, contact us.
If your order is lost in the mail, we replace it on us.
Processing & transit times
Processing: 2–5 days.
Delivery: 3 business days (USA), 5 (EU & UK), 10 (rest of world), longer during holidays.
Returns & exchanges
14 days from delivery to return.
Items must be unworn and unwashed.
Returns go to our USA, UK, or EU warehouses; you cover return shipping.
I love this Shirt, great quality of fabric and print. The absurdist philosophers choice 🔥
M
Mark
Their designs are great, their prices are fair. The shirts are super comfortable and support was both funny and extremely helpful. What more could I want from a company that sells funny t-shirts?
S
Skye
Very nice quality and nice vibrant colors. Arrived just in time for a birthday :))!
J
Joseph
Perfect lol nice material great print
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