go piss girl

I don't think he was expecting it. I handed back the jar and it was black like a ribena with chunks in it. I could see him looking confused and grossed out but hey, that's me. If you want to do a drug test before employing me at your funko-pop pop up shop (I know, a mouth full right) here…

I don't think he was expecting it. I handed back the jar and it was black like a ribena with chunks in it. I could see him looking confused and grossed out but hey, that's me. If you want to do a drug test before employing me at your funko-pop pop up shop (I know, a mouth full right) here at Blizzcon 69 then right now that's what I'm pissing. Hell at this point I don't think they even care if there's drugs in my system (there is, morphine, a lot of it) they're just wondering what the fuck I just gave them

"So.. This came out of you right?" The refrigerator of a man says to me and we lock eyes.

"yeah" I say. This is normal to me. If you want my piss so much then here it is.

"You well?" He goes on with a raised brow

"No. but I need this job to pay for my next round of chemo, so please get out of my way and let me work". He shrugs, looks to his boss who also shrugs and they let me onto the floor.

The event should be pretty busy this year, Diablo 7 was just announced and its a mobile game where every time you kill something it gives you micro credits you can use to buy totally unique NFT dresses for your amazon warrior wife avatar. I've heard rumours that whoever kills the most kobolds will own the skimpiest amazon wife outfit so its a race to the bottom. I was here last year and despite the sex scandal Daniel Alegre went through during that time (as I'm sure you've all heard about) we managed to sell a whole bunch of funko pops. I work commission so if I pull my weight I have the opportunity to really milk these nerds of all their money.

One thing nobody ever tells you in life is that maybe you'll end up in a profession that pays you an obscene amount of money for doing a skill that to you, comes naturally. This is where what I do and the people who come to this event, meet head to head. The product I sell isn't valuable, its a complete piece of trash plastic bullshit thing mass produced by child labour, but to these idiots - its some kind of token of their personality. I will stand here and I will tell them exactly how much enjoyment they will get with this little funko on their wall, staring down at them hunched like prawns on their computers. How people will be impressed when they walk into their bedroom and see 400 nearly identical pieces of plastic figures that look kinda like marvel characters staring at them. Think how successful people will think you are when you show them this token of your success. Wow were you really in the board room when they decided to hide the dislike button ratio on youtube? That is so cool!

At the end of the day, I walk away with a pocket full of cash. Not enough to pay for my medical bills but this comes naturally to me, milking these cows like I'm John Dogecore the farmer.

Written with my friend Ollie in mind <3