legend of the spicyboys

by Dominic Jackson

He sold it to me at a party and the guy seemed normal enough.  I was looking for some acid but he had other ideas.
 “I can show you things you would not believe… Ever heard of a dog?” He asked me
 “Yeah I’ve heard of them but they don’t exist. They’re just fictional creatures we invented in our minds to entertain children.” I replied
“Heh, that’s what they want you to think” He said and handed me a small baggie with some blotter paper inside, featuring a crude drawing of a dog done in MS paint.  I handed him a 20 which he quickly pocketed.
“Take one of these, pull back the curtains and see for yourself.  I won’t try to stop you.  Things get real spicy when you open your mind a little, if you catch my drift.”  He shot me a wink and walked away into the crowd.
I pocketed the baggie and continued having fun at the party.  Every now and then I would put my hand into my pocket and run my fingers over the packaging to make sure its still there.  Is it true?  Is it possible that this is one of the gateways?  I had heard of hidden erowid posts talking about a new mysterious drug that can put you in touch with the other dogmensions but I never thought I’d see it or especially find it at this lame house party.  It plagued my mind throughout the night until I made an excuse to leave early to go home.
 What is a dog?  When did I first hear about them?  Why can I not remember?  I check the internet but there’s no posts about how to do this drug, recommendations of what I should do whilst on it or how much I should take.  the crude image on the blotter paper stares at me through his whack ass plastic prison enticing me to join him but I don’t know if I can… I fear the world I do not know.  A world where dogs exist and are vegan and gay.  A world beyond ours if you’re brave enough to take the risk.
I put on some calming music (electric wizard, dope throne) and contemplate what will happen if I take it…
I should probably talk about my past a little more.  I was raised by my mother who rarely talked about my father.  I would often ask where my DaDa was and she would tell me he was gone, I assumed she meant he was dead, or dead to us at least.
I remember one Christmas we were opening presents, my grandfather had built me a rocking dog and as I mounted the wooden construction,  she was laughing at me and she said drunkenly that my  father believed in dogs too... My grandfathers face paled at that point and he walked out of the room slamming the door.   The women in the room went silent and I could hear sobbing from upstairs as I rode my big cool rocking dog next to the fireplace.
I hadn’t thought about him in years.
 
I put the blotter paper under my tongue and lay back, letting myself fall into the comfort of my bed and as I recline I hear a slow, drawn out.. bork? Which emanates loudly and the moment my head hits the pillow the borks echo clouds everything else in my mind.
I’m falling, backwards through what feels like fur but I’m supported as though I’m in bed, in true comfort.  I think I feel something licking my face but I’m not sure, am I sweating?
Its true.  There really are multiple dogmensions where dogs exist.  I fall into a cloud and a Labrador offers me some carrots & hummus crudités which I accept.  I had only seen this in movies!  I lay back on an ocean of cotton as I drift amongst scenes you would not believe.  69 Labradors chase down a cat and then they all take turns petting it.  420 Jack Russell terriers on main street cry out for the perfect vegan philly cheese steak and receive them.  I reach my hand out into the abyss to my side and I feel a different breed, a different texture every few seconds as I fall.  A small child and a dog embrace in front of me and all I can think is… it’s true.
I don’t realize it until a pug starts licking my face but I’m crying.  Then there’s 4 pugs and they’re all trying to cheer me up because they think I’m sad but I’m not sad I’ve never been more happy in my life.  I pick one up and I tell her she is beautiful, she stares back at me with ancient, knowing eyes.  I cradle her in my arms and I feel as if I am falling faster as a kaleidoscopic google image search of cute dogs rotates around me in the heavens.  I fall and I fall I fall....
And suddenly my back hurts.  There’s a flash of white light and then darkness and I’m opening my eyes and everywhere I touch feels uncomfortable.  What?  I look around and realize I'm on my ass behind Wendy’s, amongst the trash bags, rolling around.  What I thought was comfort was just another baconator.  I’m confused trying to find my bearings, I roll to my knees and I'm hit with a wonderfully delicious noseful of Wendy's grease smell which makes me retch. Was it real? I could feel them, I could see the depth of the pugs soul through her eyes. I know it was real. It has to be!
A door opens and the light that flows through it temporarily blinds me. A man in an apron steps forward and yells.
"Hey you cant play pokemon go here. fuck off kid"
alone on my knees I begin to sob

Leave a comment