lets get this bread

I started having these recurring dreams every night. They weren't always exactly the same but similar, same themes and imagery but a different dog every time. The first dream I had, I was walking through some woods in the afternoon and came upon a clearing. a beam of sunlight was highlighting something asleep in the grass and as I approached I immediately recognised the creature. It was some kind of dog. It was strange seeing one in real life as I had only really seen them in children's cartoons and such.

But this dog was real. I think it was some kind of Alsatian puppy and it was sound asleep in the clearing. I stared at it for a while and then I heard a voice in my head. I knew it was coming from the sleeping puppy, that way you know things in dreams don't make sense but you accept them like they do. Like when I had a dream that Thomas Macdonald was my brother but I knew he wasn't. It was like that, I just knew the puppy was talking to me telepathically as it slept.

And it said to me.

"Hello my child, you look beautiful today. You will achieve many great things in your life."

And then my alarm went off waking me.

The following night it was similar. In my dreams I was walking through a desert tundra at night, the moon was full and bright and illuminated everything before me. I crested a huge dune and from the top I could see another type of dog asleep 50 yards away. And as I slowly walked towards it, it spoke to me in my mind.

"Oh you... How pleasant to meet you. I have heard many wonderful things about you. People talk all kinds of pleasantries about you and you're considered well liked. On 9/11 a plane hit the pentagon"

And just like that... My alarm went off again. What could it all mean? I puzzled over it all day. The dreams were so vivid to me.

The final dream I remember having with the dogs, I was top deck on a huge old pirate ship. The sky was glowing in purple and pink spirals and the waves crashed around me, rocking the boat back and forth. Nobody was there with me but I was not scared. In the centre of the boat, between the masts was another sleeping dog. This time some kind of New Foundland terrier. A huge beast, peacefully sleeping despite the chaos around it.

And when I walked close to it, a voice appeared in my head.

"Hello son. Your hair is looking really nice and you're not balding at all despite what you believe. I know all the ladies love you and think about you when you're not around. You did very well at university and your teachers were amazed at your intelligence"

Thats... Strange I thought.

"But... I didn't go to university..." I replied to it, quizzically.

The dog replied... "oh" and opened its eyes and I immediately woke up, covered in sweat. It was 5 am in the morning. I couldn't sleep a wink after that, I spent the rest of the night browsing online for expert help and I found the number of a man who lectured on 'Dreams and Cryptozoology' for an online Nigerian university.

So I called him the next day and explained the dreams to him... Including the last one where I noticed the dog had said a falsehood. There was a long pause on the phone and the man told me.

"You must never correct a lying dog. All dogs lie and you must let them lie to you. If you were not to let a sleeping dog lie to you then you will have cursed yourself with 99 years of bad luck, rotting food and no sex. I'm sorry but I cannot help a cursed man. Good luck out there".

And he hung up the phone. I felt my heart sink and decided maybe he was full of shit? It seemed totally implausible. Cursed by a mythical beast in my dreams. I laughed a little and thought I was being paranoid. I went to my fridge to make some cereal and a swarm of flies flew out at me, the smell of pungent rotting food overwhelmed my senses as I noticed every item had perished seemingly months ago, covered in maggots. I just filled this fridge with fresh produce yesterday...