• born to swim
  • born to swim
  • born to swim

born to swim

Size Length Width
XS 26" / 66cm 16 1/4" / 41/3cm

S

27” / 68.6cm

18 1/4” / 46.4cm

M

28” / 71cm

20 1/4” / 51.4cm

L

39” / 73.7cm

22 1/4” / 56.5cm

XL

30” / 76.2cm

24 1/4” / 61.6cm

2XL

31” / 78.7cm

26 1/4” / 66.7cm

 

 

Product measurements may vary by up to 2"(5 cm).

If you want to measure one of your products at home and compare:

 Length

Place the end of the tape beside the collar at the top of the tee (Highest Point Shoulder). Pull the tape measure to the bottom of the shirt.

 Width

Place the end of the tape at the seam under the sleeve and pull the tape measure across the shirt to the seam under the opposite sleeve.

 

I've had a hard life.  Born different and everyone knew it.  It's hard to hide having webbed hands when you're in school.  And it was even harder to hide my webbed feet once we began swimming lessons and everyone could see them in the open.  Then they got mad when I swam laps around them.

They'd call me frog boy and throw...
I've had a hard life.  Born different and everyone knew it.  It's hard to hide having webbed hands when you're in school.  And it was even harder to hide my webbed feet once we began swimming lessons and everyone could see them in the open.  Then they got mad when I swam laps around them.

They'd call me frog boy and throw frogspawn at me in the spring.  Kid's can be so cruel but teenagers are even worse.  Frog spawn evolved into live toads being hurled at me and when I was 15 they even started poking fun at my name.

You see I wasn't only cursed with different hands and feet but also my name was open to mockery.  My name is Peter Pearson and the kids would call me PePe and say shit like "Hey look its the rapper lil PP hoppin through!"  before launching a toad or a frog at me.  Many pepe memes were made about me and stuck to my locker.  Life was hell.

I dread to think how many toads died just because I existed.  All the above torment and the onset of puberty turned me into a bitter teenager.  I would go to the ocean which was nearby and throw rocks at it in an angry rage but they would always just skim off its surface.  Nothing phased the ocean, it is an impossible and deep force that cannot be stopped or assaulted by one teenage boy alone.

I would never beat it.  But I must have some kind of revenge on the place everyone thinks I am from.  The water.  It's the waters fault I am like this, I know it.  When my mother was giving birth to me she opted to have a water birth at home whilst watching the movie 'splash' to calm herself and I kinda blame that for how I ended up like this.

If I couldn't beat the ocean then how could I get my revenge?  How could I vent all this hatred that had been beaten into me throughout my life?  I hatched a plan. 

A couple of miles away was a carp farm.  Thousands, maybe millions of carp were raised there for human consumption in these little pens in a large lake.  I cycled up there one evening with the intention of sabotaging the filtration system and massacring them all.  They would feel every minute of pain I had felt.  These children of water, these bastard fish brethren I blamed for my own problems.

Cresting a hill nearby, I took out my binoculars and scanned the area.  The place was fenced off with razor wire and I could see a guard sat in his little hut by the entrance watching Robocop on a tiny TV.
But as I scanned further I saw how I could enter.  There was a drainage stream leading away from the lake, allowing a steady flow of water to flow through the farm.

I dismounted my bike, walked downhill, undressed and dived into the water and began swimming upstream.  The water was filled with fish shit, old food, dead scales and chemicals used to keep the fish healthy.  I waded through this, upstream, becoming increasingly angry.

It wasn't long before I made it to the top and over, into the lake and towards the carp farm.  I slipped into the netting and I was suddenly surrounded by thousands of carps.  They were crammed in like sardines (pun intended btw) and looked panicked.  All of them desperate to escape the prison they lived in knowing there was more to life beyond it.  And all the anger from me went.  I could only feel pity for these creatures.  Much like me they were just trying to live their life, confused by the confines of their cages like I was confused by the confines of the society I had been born into.

I no longer wanted to kill them.  I wanted to free them, to give them a chance I never could have out there in the big wide world.  I cut the nets that controlled them, allowing them to escape.  I watched and howled

"Be free my brothers!  Go forth and live your little fishy lives.  I love you all!"   Totally elated.

Maybe this will make up for all the frogs that have died from impacting against my pathetic little existence.   The fish followed the current downstream, following the way I had entered into the farm.  When I was sure most had escaped, I swam out the way I came in and found my bike and peddled home.  That night I slept better than I had for years, I felt like a hero.

The next day I walked into the kitchen feeling like a man.  My mother had made me toast and I sat down with a smile on my face at the kitchen table.  I took a bite and flicked the TV onto the news.

"..Sad sight here at the beach" The news reporter said over the image of thousands of dead carps lapping against the shore.

"Hundreds of Thousands of fresh water carp have died after eco terrorists slashed their nets in the local carp farm last night.  The fish having nowhere to go but downstream ended up in the ocean where they couldn't survive.  May god have mercy on the people who have done this."

I'm frozen in shock as warm butter drips from the toast I'm holding into my palm and it feels like blood.


• helps you drown if you don't take it off before swimming
• i am sea man
• Protects you from drowning by giving you the ability to breathe under water (ignore previous statement)

• 100% combed and ringspun cotton
• Side-seamed, unisex sizing

૮ ˘ﻌ˘ ა

Our printed apparel can be machine-washed cold, inside-out on a gentle cycle with a mild detergent and like colors. Use non-chlorine bleach only when necessary. You shouldn't use any fabric softeners or dry-clean the items.

SHIPPING

(„• ᴗ •„)

We ship worldwide. All of our items are printed to order, especially for you. This is to ensure we create no waste by creating a terrible design nobody likes and having to donate 420 preprinted tshirts to landfill. With this in mind, please contact us immediately, if you need to make any adjustments to your order (size/colour changes).

Orders are being printed and sent out daily throughout the week directly from our printing fulfillment centres located in the EU, USA and the UK. Your order will be fulfilled from the nearest print centre to your shipping location.

Current fulfillment time is 1-5 days depending on the items ordered. Usual delivery times are 3 business days after fulfilment for the USA, 5 for the EU and 10 for the rest of the world.

You will receive a tracking link once your order is shipped. Don't be surprised if you only received one part of your order as some items may be shipped from different warehouses depending on stock availability, so will have different delivery times. 

If you're unsure about anything please contact us and we will reply within 24 hours. I spend a lot of time at my computer crying so usually I respond, tearfully, within an hour.

RETURNS

(⌒_⌒;)

You have 14 days from the arrival date of your order to return your items. We accept returns on unworn, unwashed clothing, that doesn't smell of the tesco cologne you stole from your father. 

Don't be shy to reach out to us if there's any problems or you have any queries, we're extremely lenient and making sure you are happy is really important to us.

Returns need to be shipped back to the address listed on your packing slip. You will be expected to pay the return shipping cost. If you need to return someting, contact us for further instructions.  

٩(◕‿◕｡)۶