We all knew the moment they turned on the 5G transmitters. Our phones lit up like Christmas, and we could feel the chips in our arms vibrate ever so slightly--those of us who were paying attention, at least. I pulled out my Samsung Galaxy S7 and downloaded hentai movies in 1080 resolution so fast that within minutes, I had enough to last me a lifetime.
Not long after, an emergency alert went out to every cell phone in the country.
"We've uploaded all the dogs to the cloud. They will never age, they will never die. Forever, they will look over us mortals from the heavens with pity. May God have mercy on our souls."
At that moment, I realized the $69,000 I had recently invested in my new dog manicure business was doomed.