• piss
  • piss
  • piss

piss

Regular price
I don't think he was expecting it. I handed back the jar and it was black like a ribena with chunks in it. I could see him looking confused and grossed out but hey, that's me. If you want to do a drug test before employing me at your funko-pop pop up shop (I know, a mouth full right) here at Blizzcon 69 then right now that's what I'm pissing. Hell at this point I don't think they even care if there's drugs in my system (there is, morphine, a lot of it) they're just wondering what the fuck I just gave them

"So.. This came out of you right?" The refrigerator of a man says to me and we lock eyes.

"yeah" I say. This is normal to me. If you want my piss so much then here it is.

"You well?" He goes on with a raised brow

"No. but I need this job to pay for my next round of chemo, so please get out of my way and let me work". He shrugs, looks to his boss who also shrugs and they let me onto the floor.

The event should be pretty busy this year, Diablo 7 was just announced and its a mobile game where every time you kill something it gives you micro credits you can use to buy totally unique NFT dresses for your amazon warrior wife avatar. I've heard rumours that whoever kills the most kobolds will own the skimpiest amazon wife outfit so its a race to the bottom. I was here last year and despite the sex scandal Daniel Alegre went through during that time (as I'm sure you've all heard about) we managed to sell a whole bunch of funko pops. I work commission so if I pull my weight I have the opportunity to really milk these nerds of all their money.

One thing nobody ever tells you in life is that maybe you'll end up in a profession that pays you an obscene amount of money for doing a skill that to you, comes naturally. This is where what I do and the people who come to this event, meet head to head. The product I sell isn't valuable, its a complete piece of trash plastic bullshit thing mass produced by child labour, but to these idiots - its some kind of token of their personality. I will stand here and I will tell them exactly how much enjoyment they will get with this little funko on their wall, staring down at them hunched like prawns on their computers. How people will be impressed when they walk into their bedroom and see 400 nearly identical pieces of plastic figures that look kinda like marvel characters staring at them. Think how successful people will think you are when you show them this token of your success. Wow were you really in the board room when they decided to hide the dislike button ratio on youtube? That is so cool!

At the end of the day, I walk away with a pocket full of cash. Not enough to pay for my medical bills but this comes naturally to me, milking these cows like I'm John Dogecore the farmer.

 Story dedicated to my friend Oliver Smith who has had to put up with too much shit in his life and needs a damn vacation.

• 100% cotton heavyweight long-sleeve with a rough feel that soften after couple washes
• Classic fit with long sleeves and rib cuffs
 Machine wash cold, inside-out, do not dry clean
• Seamless double-needle 7⁄8'' (2.2 cm) collar
• Double-needle bottom hem
• Taped neck and shoulders
• Quarter-turned to avoid crease down the middle


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Our printed apparel can be machine-washed cold, inside-out on a gentle cycle with a mild detergent and like colors. Use non-chlorine bleach only when necessary. You shouldn't use any fabric softeners or dry-clean the items.

SHIPPING

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We ship worldwide. All of our items are printed to order, especially for you. This is to ensure we create no waste by creating a terrible design nobody likes and having to donate 420 preprinted tshirts to landfill. With this in mind, please contact us immediately, if you need to make any adjustments to your order (size/colour changes).

Orders are being printed and sent out daily throughout the week directly from our printing fulfillment centres located in the EU, USA and the UK. Your order will be fulfilled from the nearest print centre to your shipping location.

Current fulfillment time is 1-5 days depending on the items ordered. Usual delivery times are 3 business days after fulfilment for the USA, 5 for the EU and 10 for the rest of the world.

You will receive a tracking link once your order is shipped. Don't be surprised if you only received one part of your order as some items may be shipped from different warehouses depending on stock availability, so will have different delivery times. 

If you're unsure about anything please contact us and we will reply within 24 hours. I spend a lot of time at my computer crying so usually I respond, tearfully, within an hour.

RETURNS

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You have 14 days from the arrival date of your order to return your items. We accept returns on unworn, unwashed clothing, that doesn't smell of the tesco cologne you stole from your father. 

Don't be shy to reach out to us if there's any problems or you have any queries, we're extremely lenient and making sure you are happy is really important to us.

Returns need to be shipped back to the address listed on your packing slip. You will be expected to pay the return shipping cost. If you need to return someting, contact us for further instructions.  

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Since most of our clothes are made to order, we can make some adjustments while printing - For example different placement of the desings (back, front etc.) If you would like to adjust anything, please contact us before placing an order.

Note that we can't accept returns on products specifically personalized for u, so make sure to double the size charts.

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