I thought I ordered a single Tshirt with a crying dog on it, but what arrived was a large box with airholes. Do Tshirts need to breathe? The box said FRAGILE HANDLE WITH CARE on it and I didn't see the person who dropped it on my doorstep. Just heard somebody knock and by the time I got to the door they were gone and this box was there. But I knew it was from dogecore it had that cute logo on the top staring back at me. I heard a rumour that logo was based on a famous dog from a porn video but dog's don't exist so I ignored that girl at school who told me and we never really talked much afterwards. What kind of idiot would believe in dogs in the year of 2022.
The box was heavy too. I lugged it inside and set it on my dinner table and began carefully opening it. And to my surprise there wasn't a Tshirt inside at all but a rather plump and calm opossum. It was just staring back at me with its deep black eyes like this was all normal to it. I was kind of pissed off to be honest as I really wanted that Tshirt but I guess this will have to do. We don't have possums here in Ireland so maybe I could be the first person with a possum in all history in this country, who knows.
I asked on a facebook forum what they ate and somebody told me ticks but I could also feed it dairy lee lunchables because they basically eat anything. It was a gentle creature and I could pass it bits of cheese and it would hold them in its tiny hands before chowing down. I made a tiny hat for it out of some felt I had laying around so it would look presentable and in the evening I played it my favorite Otis Reading albums and danced for it. It just watched me calmly. Nothing seemed unusual to this creature.
And I went to bed that night with it by my feet like a little cat. I thought about all the things me and my new opossum pal would get up to. I would take it to see the Blarney stone I thought. But when I woke in the morning it wasn't there anymore. I looked everywhere and I couldn't find it. Come to think of it... Where was my playstation 5? The front door was unlocked and when I loaded up my ring doorbell footage I saw it had an alert at 4:20 am. And there the bastard was, casually strolling into the night with my playstation 5 wrapped up in its tail.
I'd been played a fool. I went online and gave dogecore 0 stars on trustpilot and wrote an angry email to the people who run it telling them they're sick cunts. A day later they responded with a video of my playstation 5 being thrown into a canal whilst somebody laughed. I was livid.