• im stupid
  • im stupid

im stupid

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I need to stop doing acid.  Every time I drop it recently I do something really stupid and I wake up the next day trying to piece together the actions I did whilst high and try to work out if any of it makes any sense.

Did I make a fool of myself?  Were those people really after me?  Did that cool leaf I found really sing me the song of its people?  Everything feels like half truths but in your own memory.  Fractured like you've just woken up from a dream however you're unsure what parts are a dream and what parts are actual memories.

It can be torturous and today is easily the worst.  I run out to my back yard and see if the small door is there on the wall to my shed but of course its not.  Why would there be a tiny 2 foot tall wooden door on the side of my shed?  I stare at where I remember it being, puzzled for a second scratching my chin trying to remember.

Last nights a bit of a haze but I do recall coming outside for a smoke and noticing the door here.  It baffled me and I remember walking over to it to get a better look.  It appeared ancient and although my vision was a little wavy I knew it was real. 

I slowly opened the door and to my surprise it was not my shed that it led to, but another space entirely.  An old smokey, poorly lit room with wooden furniture and some figures clouded in shadow.  They were sat facing a round table playing some kind of card game. 

It was only when I crawled through the door did the figures notice me there.  Looking confused on my hands and knees, probably a sorry sight.  But how could I not look confused with what I was seeing?  As I got closer to the table I recognised them.. They were dogs.  Smoking pipes! Drinking Whisky! Laughing to themselves over a poker game.

It was surreal.  I remember my old history teacher telling me that dogs would do this all the time when they existed.  That they were expert poker players and its theorised humans learned the game from dogs.  But of course that was just bullshit right?  Stuff you tell children at night to help them sleep.  But I was looking at it and I swear to you it was real.

They beckoned me closer and pushed out a seat, nodding for me to sit and join them which of course I did.  I was trying to keep it together when the bulldog to my left said

"Buy in is $500, you either play or leave."

"I'm sorry but I don't have that kind of cash on me, just my credit card on google pay" I replied weakly.

"We accept all forms of financial transactions including applepay, american express, paypal etc etc. " he told me, pulling out a card machine from under the table and pushing it in my direction.

I couldn't help but feel obligated.  Besides this is obviously some kind of dream or mad hallucination.  I pulled out my phone and held it above the machine until it beeped, he waited a moment until it was authorised before sliding my chips over to me.

A large St Bernard slapped me on the shoulder like an old friend and the game began.  I won a few rounds but it wasn't long before I started losing hard and within an hour I had lost it all.  I jokily offered my shirt and to my surprise got another chip for it but that quickly went and I had nothing more to play with and now no shirt.  I just sat there with my tits out looking like I was about to cry until one of the dogs said

"This is just sad, you're ruining the vibes in here pal.  Can you go back to your idiot loser house and cry alone please?"

And the whole table erupted.  Laughing at me.  I started to cry and stormed towards the door but had to then get on my knees and crawl outside as they laughed behind me.  I ran back into the house and went straight to sleep, totally exhausted by what had just transpired.

But there is no door there now its just my shed like normal.  What a crazy dream.

Later that day I go to buy cigarettes and my card declines.  I just got paid so I'm unsure how this is possible but when I login to my internet bank I can see $1500 was withdrawn last night.  I don't know whats real anymore.  I ask the cashier if he's real and he just looks at me dead eyed and says "probably not" and goes back to work.


• wake up
• 100% cotton
• Fabric weight: 6.0 oz/y² (203.4 g/m²)
• Pre-shrunk on a stupid dog
• Boxy fit
• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping
• Seamless double-needle 7⁄8″ (2.2 cm) collar
• Double-needle stitched sleeves and bottom hem
• Quarter-turned to avoid crease down the middle

Size guide

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