Monkey see monkey do. Monkey doo doo? At what point did we decide we all had to wipe our own asses because I don't see any other animal doing the same and they got along just fine. Hell dogs don't wipe AND they greet one another with a big old butt huff. So why was I politely asked to leave the dentist earlier because of my 'odour'. Well jokes on you pal, I've min maxed my day by not wiping, I now have an extra 2 minutes every day to watch cool monki videos on my phone whilst you're out there, a slave to society. Break free of your chains brother. I'm only doing this until I can afford a bidet so I can keep my ass so clean you could eat off of it and that's kinda in the ballpark of what i'm looking for in life.

• Take the first step in returning to monki
• Can be used as toilet paper in an emergency

• 100% cotton heavyweight long-sleeve with a rough feel that soften after couple washes
• Sport Grey colour is a blend of 90% cotton and 10% polyester
• Classic fit with long sleeves and rib cuffs
• Machine wash cold, inside-out, do not dry clean
• Seamless double-needle 7⁄8'' (2.2 cm) collar
• Double-needle bottom hem
• MONKI FLIP
• Taped neck and shoulders
• Quarter-turned to avoid crease down the middle

Size guide