{"title":"best selling","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"born-to-swim-ocean-is-a-t-shirt","title":"born to swim ocean is a - t-shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eI've had a hard life. Born different and everyone knew it. It's hard to hide having webbed hands when you're in school. And it was even harder to hide my webbed feet once we began swimming lessons and everyone could see them in the open. Then they got mad when I swam laps around them.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThey'd call me frog boy and throw frogspawn at me in the spring. Kid's can be so cruel but teenagers are even worse. Frog spawn evolved into live toads being hurled at me and when I was 15 they even started poking fun at my name.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eYou see I wasn't only cursed with different hands and feet but also my name was open to mockery. My name is Peter Pearson and the kids would call me PePe and say shit like \"Hey look its the rapper lil PP hoppin through!\" before launching a toad or a frog at me. Many pepe memes were made about me and stuck to my locker. Life was hell.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eI dread to think how many toads died just because I existed. All the above torment and the onset of puberty turned me into a bitter teenager. I would go to the ocean which was nearby and throw rocks at it in an angry rage but they would always just skim off its surface. Nothing phased the ocean, it is an impossible and deep force that cannot be stopped or assaulted by one teenage boy alone.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eI would never beat it. But I must have some kind of revenge on the place everyone thinks I am from. The water. It's the waters fault I am like this, I know it. When my mother was giving birth to me she opted to have a water birth at home whilst watching the movie 'splash' to calm herself and I kinda blame that for how I ended up like this.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIf I couldn't beat the ocean then how could I get my revenge? How could I vent all this hatred that had been beaten into me throughout my life? I hatched a plan. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eA couple of miles away was a carp farm. Thousands, maybe millions of carp were raised there for human consumption in these little pens in a large lake. I cycled up there one evening with the intention of sabotaging the filtration system and massacring them all. They would feel every minute of pain I had felt. These children of water, these bastard fish brethren I blamed for my own problems.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCresting a hill nearby, I took out my binoculars and scanned the area. The place was fenced off with razor wire and I could see a guard sat in his little hut by the entrance watching Robocop on a tiny TV.\u003cbr\u003eBut as I scanned further I saw how I could enter. There was a drainage stream leading away from the lake, allowing a steady flow of water to flow through the farm.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eI dismounted my bike, walked downhill, undressed and dived into the water and began swimming upstream. The water was filled with fish shit, old food, dead scales and chemicals used to keep the fish healthy. I waded through this, upstream, becoming increasingly angry.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIt wasn't long before I made it to the top and over, into the lake and towards the carp farm. I slipped into the netting and I was suddenly surrounded by thousands of carps. They were crammed in like sardines (pun intended btw) and looked panicked. All of them desperate to escape the prison they lived in knowing there was more to life beyond it. And all the anger from me went. I could only feel pity for these creatures. Much like me they were just trying to live their life, confused by the confines of their cages like I was confused by the confines of the society I had been born into.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eI no longer wanted to kill them. I wanted to free them, to give them a chance I never could have out there in the big wide world. I cut the nets that controlled them, allowing them to escape. I watched and howled\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"Be free my brothers! Go forth and live your little fishy lives. I love you all!\" Totally elated.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eMaybe this will make up for all the frogs that have died from impacting against my pathetic little existence. The fish followed the current downstream, following the way I had entered into the farm. When I was sure most had escaped, I swam out the way I came in and found my bike and peddled home. That night I slept better than I had for years, I felt like a hero.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThe next day I walked into the kitchen feeling like a man. My mother had made me toast and I sat down with a smile on my face at the kitchen table. I took a bite and flicked the TV onto the news.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"..Sad sight here at the beach\" The news reporter said over the image of thousands of dead carps lapping against the shore.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"Hundreds of Thousands of fresh water carp have died after eco terrorists slashed their nets in the local carp farm last night. The fish having nowhere to go but downstream ended up in the ocean where they couldn't survive. May god have mercy on the people who have done this.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eI'm frozen in shock as warm butter drips from the toast I'm holding into my palm and it feels like blood.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003ephotos - \u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003emodel: \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/jessbuckl\/?hl=en\"\u003e@jessbuckl\u003c\/a\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003ephotographer: \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca class=\"x1i10hfl xjbqb8w x1ejq31n xd10rxx x1sy0etr x17r0tee x972fbf xcfux6l x1qhh985 xm0m39n x9f619 x1ypdohk xt0psk2 xe8uvvx xdj266r x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r xexx8yu x4uap5 x18d9i69 xkhd6sd x16tdsg8 x1hl2dhg xggy1nq x1a2a7pz notranslate _a6hd\" href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/earlgreyhot.images\/?hl=en\" role=\"link\" tabindex=\"0\"\u003e@earlgreyhot.images\u003c\/a\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eshot at \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca class=\"x1i10hfl xjbqb8w x1ejq31n xd10rxx x1sy0etr x17r0tee x972fbf xcfux6l x1qhh985 xm0m39n x9f619 x1ypdohk xt0psk2 xe8uvvx xdj266r x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r xexx8yu x4uap5 x18d9i69 xkhd6sd x16tdsg8 x1hl2dhg xggy1nq x1a2a7pz notranslate _a6hd\" href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/tankspaceofficial\/?hl=en\" role=\"link\" tabindex=\"0\"\u003e@tankspaceofficial\u003c\/a\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eGarment-dyed, heavyweight cotton T-shirt with a relaxed fit and a direct-to-garment print made with Oeko-Tex™ certified inks. It's pre-shrunk, so no need to worry about shrinkage. To avoid any fading or cracking of the print simply follow our wash care instructions. \u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"dogecore","offers":[{"title":"White \/ S","offer_id":44655310536979,"sku":"4425326_15124","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ M","offer_id":44655310569747,"sku":"4425326_15125","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ L","offer_id":44655310602515,"sku":"4425326_15126","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":44655310635283,"sku":"4425326_15127","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":44655310668051,"sku":"4425326_15128","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":44655310700819,"sku":"4425326_16335","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":47149295763731,"sku":"7097807_17508","price":27.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Brick \/ S","offer_id":44655310143763,"sku":"4425326_15161","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Brick \/ M","offer_id":44655310176531,"sku":"4425326_15162","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Brick \/ L","offer_id":44655310209299,"sku":"4425326_15163","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Brick \/ XL","offer_id":44655310242067,"sku":"4425326_15164","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Brick \/ 2XL","offer_id":44655310274835,"sku":"4425326_15165","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Brick \/ 3XL","offer_id":44655310307603,"sku":"4425326_16327","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Brick \/ 4XL","offer_id":47149295632659,"sku":"7097807_17509","price":27.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Grey \/ S","offer_id":44655310340371,"sku":"4425326_15176","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Grey \/ M","offer_id":44655310373139,"sku":"4425326_15177","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Grey \/ L","offer_id":44655310405907,"sku":"4425326_15178","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Grey \/ XL","offer_id":44655310438675,"sku":"4425326_15179","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Grey \/ 2XL","offer_id":44655310471443,"sku":"4425326_15180","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Grey \/ 3XL","offer_id":44655310504211,"sku":"4425326_16330","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Grey \/ 4XL","offer_id":47149295665427,"sku":"7097807_17501","price":27.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ S","offer_id":53894754763027,"sku":"8745825","price":27.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ M","offer_id":53894760202515,"sku":"8745825","price":27.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":53894762037523,"sku":"3532537","price":27.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":53894764101907,"sku":"4900435","price":27.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ L","offer_id":54460447392019,"sku":"3185646_15116","price":27.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":54460447424787,"sku":"3185646_15118","price":27.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":54460447457555,"sku":"3185646_16326","price":27.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/2425\/9991\/files\/https---scene7.zumiez.com-is-image-zumiez-product_main_medium_2x-Dogecore-Born-To-Swim-Natural-T-Shirt-_372812-alt1-US.jpg_large_96d3dec2-1011-42e4-a0ec-cab0c8cffa32.webp?v=1753775696"},{"product_id":"what-the-dog-doin-t-shirt","title":"what the dog doin - t-shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eHe sits in the bosses office. Come to think of it, I've never actually met the real boss. It was the secretary woman who sits in front of his office who interviewed me for this job at the Greggs Bakery factory and here I stand, pumping weird pink meat into sausage roll tubes for a living.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eAnd alone he sat. Everyday I would see him. The front half of his office was glass so he could watch us all working and we would know he was there lording over us, a constant state of fear and judgement. Like I couldn't even check my phone without him knowing about it. Just me holding onto the meat chute, pumping the pastries full for 8 hours a day with that black Labrador retriever in the office eyeballing me.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIn-front of him was a desk and some papers like he was the actual boss but he wasn't he was just a black dog. He didn't sleep or anything he would just sit there and watch us work. And at 5pm when we all went home, he would dismount from the chair and walk off into the night totally alone. And we would watch him disappear into the dark feeling relieved like he had a weird power over us. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eOne time this new woman from Bury started working at the factory and she wasn't very good. She kept putting too much pink meat in the pasties making them look like fat children. She was called into the office and we could all see her having a meeting with the black Labrador. It looked bored. She started weeping and left and we never saw her again. Fired by a dog I guess.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eWho were we to question it? All the power held by those above. Pawns in a machine we couldn't comprehend just trying to make sure we could pay our heating bills. But I had a plan. I told the secretary I had to ask the boss something and she allowed me into his office for a moment.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eI had pumped a litre of pink meat into my work pocket, and when alone with the 'boss' I emptied it on his desk. Looking into his deep eyes I said \"I think we both know what this means, that we have an understanding?\" And he bowed his head and looked excitedly at his prize.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eI returned to work but I couldn't look at the faces of my colleagues. I knew I had sold myself out. It was a week later when I received my promotion in a letter delivered to my house signed with a paw print. I wasn't the meat pumper at the sausage roll station anymore. I was the secretary of the boss dog in his office. The old lady who used to do that role now did my old job, pumping pink sausage meat into pastry prisons for minimum wage. She looked at me through the glass of my office like her eyes were made of poison and I put my feet on my desk like it was made of gold and shot her a wink.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eI don't understand this world but I'm killing it. I have 4 things to do today and I've told everybody I'm very busy and they all believe it. My dog boss calls me in for meetings that last an hour and I don't understand a word he's saying or what is happening but I feel important. It's a crazy world out there for people like us, the chosen few who overlook the working class.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ephotos:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003emodel: \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/halohaynes\/?hl=en\"\u003e@halohaynes\u003c\/a\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ephotographer \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/jxssthxmp\/\"\u003e@jxssthxmp \u003c\/a\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eGarment-dyed, heavyweight cotton T-shirt with a relaxed fit and a direct-to-garment print made with Oeko-Tex™ certified inks. It's pre-shrunk, so no need to worry about shrinkage. To avoid any fading or cracking of the print simply follow our wash care instructions. \u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"dogecore","offers":[{"title":"Brick \/ S","offer_id":44663055450387,"sku":"5919737_15161","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Brick \/ M","offer_id":44663055483155,"sku":"5919737_15162","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Brick \/ L","offer_id":44663055515923,"sku":"5919737_15163","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Brick \/ XL","offer_id":44663055548691,"sku":"5919737_15164","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Brick \/ 2XL","offer_id":44663055581459,"sku":"5919737_15165","price":27.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Brick \/ 3XL","offer_id":44663055614227,"sku":"5919737_16327","price":28.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ S","offer_id":44663055843603,"sku":"5919737_15124","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ M","offer_id":44663055876371,"sku":"5919737_15125","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ L","offer_id":44663055909139,"sku":"5919737_15126","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":44663055941907,"sku":"5919737_15127","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":44663055974675,"sku":"5919737_15128","price":27.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":44663056007443,"sku":"5919737_16335","price":28.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Brick \/ 4XL","offer_id":47162772029715,"sku":"9768987_17509","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":47162772095251,"sku":"9768987_17508","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/2425\/9991\/products\/3_e5edb6d4-6c42-4521-ac4c-2cbbe9fba2d7.jpg?v=1679656267"},{"product_id":"end-my-pain-t-shirt","title":"end my pain - t-shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eI met her on Tinder. Her profile said she was really into anime so I opened with 'what is your favorite anime? I love Neon Genesis Evangelion as I really relate to Shinji' and she replied that she really liked Steven Universe which was a bit weird but maybe some people consider that anime. It's a whole new world out there where anything could happen. We didn't talk much before she asked me if I would like to take her out for dinner. I liked this lady, she was very forward with her wants in life. I often find myself unsure of what to do so having somebody just tell me makes my life a lot easier. Yesterday I wasn't sure whether to eat soup or make a sandwich and in the end I just sat there unable to eat because I couldn't decide.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eI thought it would be appropriate to take her for Sushi as we were both lovers of Japanese animation. I wondered before the date if I should ask her if she liked hentai but I figured I could leave that until later in the evening after maybe 5-11 Saki's. She said she loved sushi and we agreed to meet at 8pm the following evening.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eI dressed sharp for the date. A nice suit (smart casual) with my trusty Casio watch (retro cool) and I doused myself in cologne my mother had bought me for Christmas. I was feeling cool. Before I left the house I pulled a cool pose in the mirror and thought of how tall I would feel if I ever went to Japan. I was waiting outside the restaurant when I spotted her walking up and I wasn't sure if it was her at first... She looked different and a bit like she had just woken up. Her hair was a mess and she was wearing an oversized Tshirt with stains on it with the words 'BIG TRUCK' and an image of a truck. Did she put any effort in at all?\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"Hey it's me, Annie, lets do this\" she said and before I could reply or even say hello she walked into the sushi restaurant.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eI was a bit taken a back but I haven't had sex in over 4 years so at this point she could have probably kicked me in the balls and I'd have still carried on with the date. I walked in behind her and got us to our table.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eShe was sat across from me playing with her phone and occasionally laughing to herself.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"Soo erm... Yeah I was watching attack on Titan last night... Those giants sure are big haha\" I said nervously and she looked up at me like I was a stranger on the bus or something.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThe waiter came over fairly quickly and I was thankful, this is awkward as fuck. Now's my chance to impress I thought. Lets hope 5 years of duolingo finally pays off.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"Kon'nichiwa u~eitā watashi wa katamari no sakana no temakirōru to buta no kōmon gyōza no sokumen to watashi no utsukushī hidzuke ga sukinamono de Supamu sashimi o chūmon shitai to omoimasu.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eI said with, in my opinion, a perfect accent (that didn't sound racist) before giving a little bow. The waiter seemed impressed and scribbled some stuff down. He then looked over at my date who said\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"Yeah I'll have the chips please. Just chips.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eAnd then went back to her phone. I cant fucking believe this shit. What is going on. I got bored of being ignored so I got my own phone out and started playing a 5 minute game of chess to distract myself.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eWhen the food arrived, she ate it rather fast whilst I failed to use my chop sticks so just gave up and started to use my hands like some kind of caveman. A table next to us looked at me like I was a joke and I just stared at them whilst shoveling fish and rice into my mouth until they looked away from me. I had given up at this point. Fuck my life, fuck this girl.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eWhen she was finished eating, she said\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"I'm leaving. No hard feelings but I just go on these dates because people buy me food as I'm too lazy to cook. Oh and by the way even a fucking idiot can use chopsticks, grow up.\" before standing up and walking out of the restaurant. I was... In shock, in awe. My mouth dropped and I felt like how Jordan Peterson looks. Just sad and broken. The waiter came over and handed me the bill and even he was laughing at me. If I had a knife instead of a chopstick in my hand I would have committed seppuku at that very moment. But instead I paid the bill and went home and masturbated for 5 hours to weird hentai and cried myself to sleep.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eGarment-dyed, heavyweight cotton T-shirt with a relaxed fit and a direct-to-garment print made with Oeko-Tex™ certified inks. It's pre-shrunk, so no need to worry about shrinkage. 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That's what I hear anyway, but I cant help but feel like maybe it could be. Every day little shits from the local school come into my store and rob from me of my stock and my sanity.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eI see them conspiring, their tiny child brains have no idea that I've seen all the tricks, all the little crap they try to pull when they believe I am not paying attention. The times they send a person to distract me so they can pocket some haribo, I see it.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eAnd I cant do anything, I just have to smile and be nice and occasionally throw them out. I cant even beat the crap out of them and they're smug about it. Even when I catch them they shout 'Hey this nonce is putting his filthy Saville hands on me!' and accuse me of trying to touch their genitals.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIts a catch 22 situation, I cannot win and they know it. They know the crime isn't serious enough to get them arrested and at most all I can do is ban them from my shop. I knew I had to take matters into my own hands, to let the kids in the school know not to fuck with me.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eWhen I was young, I remember that if you let another boy punch you and you didn't defend yourself, then he would punch on you all the time. He would gloat on it, humiliate you and take advantage of your weakness to make himself look or feel better. But if you stood up for yourself and put up a fight, that bully would not fuck with you again.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eAnd here I am getting walked all over by children, unable to beat them.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eBut I knew I could best them, just not in my store, not over a stolen can of cola and not with my fists. I had a car and they did not. I had access to a wealth of imagination, time and unhinged rage they could only dream of.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eI was sitting in my car one day whilst my wife worked the shop and I saw one of the worst kids exit the place, clutching his stolen goods. My hands gripping the steering wheel so tight I thought my finger nails would pop off wanting to run that little shit right into the postbox behind him.. Mix his red insides with red of the post box, send him like a letter to his maker. But I didn't, I followed him slowly to where he lived and paused until I saw him go through the door, waving goodbye to his friend so I knew it was his house. Where he lay his stupid fucking hair with the frosted tips like he thinks its 1995 again.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eAnd later that evening, through his cat flap, I poured my vengeance. I had spent months collecting rats with humane traps from the back of my cousins restaurant. Huge street fucks that got so big even the local cats couldn't intimidate or kill them. I cultivated them in my cellar, feeding them left over fried chicken I laced with some light steroids I had picked up at the gym. 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I asked her if she wanted to hang out last week and she said that “we needed to talk”. I was naive and thought ‘cool she probably wants to talk about Tony hawks pro skater for the PlayStation’ as I was a huge fan of the game growing up and I thought we had a lot in common.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIs it so strange to think that I might want to date somebody who shares the same loves and experiences as me? But she didn’t want to talk about one of the best selling PlayStation games of all time.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eWe met at a cafe I know she liked. It was approximately 1.4 miles away from the local skate park and situated across the street from some stone steps I had sometimes seen people grind down on their skateboards. It was where we had our first date actually, in this same cafe. 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No.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSmash mouth ends and we are all feeling a little sad.  \"Guess your tool wasn't the sharpest in the shed huh?\" I quip and I receive a punch in the arm for my gallows humor.  DJ Arduino asks what song are we gonna play for the next battle and Grave Digger Thomas requests 'Superman by goldfinger' as he loved that track on the Tony Hawks Soundtrack.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\"The what?\" I ask, confused, is he drunk?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\"The Tony Hawks pro skater soundtrack.\"  He re-iterates to me sternly.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\"No you idiot, its Gnomey Hawks Pro Skater\" I tell him, looking at everyone else like the guys a fucking idiot.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\"No. You are wrong, it's TONY HAWKS\" He says.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eI pull out my phone and google Gnomey Hawks, the game I've probably put a thousand hours into when I was a kid and it keeps auto correcting to Tony Hawks.  I'm getting a little panicked.  I remember vividly playing a tiny skateboarding gnome doing mad tricks like Gnome Air and grinding around the back garden level.  But there's nothing.  Everything is 'Tony Hawk', like thats a real fucking name.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eI'm sweating a little but everyone is staring at me intensely and the peer pressure gets under my skin.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\"Oh yeah TONY Hawks, sorry I was err confused for a second there.  Too much adrenaline from the last battle I guess...\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eEveryone has a little laugh and goldfinger plays as the next two warriors enter the bey blade arena.  I'm trying to concentrate on their dance of death but my mind is elsewhere, thinking back to when I was 14 playing Gnomey Hawk on my chipped playstation.  Remembering buying the game from the guy at the car boot on an unmarked disc.  Has my whole life been a lie?\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• 100% cotton corduroy\u003cbr\u003e• Unstructured, 6-panel, low-profile\u003cbr\u003e• Cotton twill sweatband and taping\u003cbr\u003e• 6 embroidered eyelets\u003cbr\u003e• Adjustable strap with a gold-colored metal buckle\u003cbr\u003e• Head circumference: 20″–22″ (50.8 cm–56 cm)\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"dogecore","offers":[{"title":"Black","offer_id":48019014287635,"sku":"7641352_16416","price":24.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy","offer_id":48019014320403,"sku":"7641352_16417","price":24.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Burgundy","offer_id":48019014353171,"sku":"7641352_16419","price":24.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/2425\/9991\/files\/33_02fb6dfa-7966-4da4-847e-5a01e6850c43.jpg?v=1706272985"},{"product_id":"tummy-ache-survivor-baseball-cap","title":"tummy ache survivor - baseball cap","description":"\u003cp data-pm-slice=\"1 1 []\" data-en-clipboard=\"true\"\u003eI was at my weekly BeyBlade meet up in the local children's park when my life got turned flipside.  We were huddled around the pit, where our machines of mayhem and destruction would fight to the death in a twisted mash of metal and speed, ready to throw down, when the question as to what music we should listen to during the battle came up.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSteven \"GraveDigger\" Thomas requested that we blast ‘Slayer - raining blood’ but he always says that and everyone goes a little quiet until somebody has a better suggestion.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\"All star by Smashmouth.\"  I say \"For our fallen brother.\"  We all do the sign of the cross and I see Sweaty Pete pour a little of his soda on the ground.  And so the music plays and the beys blade...\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eI whip my custom rig into a frenzy, my opponent of the last 10 years still hasn't worked out the subtle pieces of aluminum I've soldered to my blade to weigh it in such a fashion that he hasn't a chance.  Every week we do the same dance and every week he leaves crying.  He's 34 years old now and still cries every week in the park with me.  I've tried to rationalize why a grown ass man who still lives with his mother would humiliate himself over and over again so consistently and the only explanation I can come to is that he does this as a form of penance for something he posted on the internet that week.  This is his flagellation, I am his torturer and redeemer.  I smile a smug smile as his pathetic beyblade is shattered in the ring and spins out of the bowl as mine dances in the middle, a gladiator of modern times reveling in carnage.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAnd like clockwork, he's picking up the damaged parts of his probably wish dot com beyblade pieces from the arena blubbering that he'll get me next time.  I look around at the group triumphantly but they all look at me like I should have let him win for once.  Erm.. No.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSmash mouth ends and we are all feeling a little sad.  \"Guess your tool wasn't the sharpest in the shed huh?\" I quip and I receive a punch in the arm for my gallows humor.  DJ Arduino asks what song are we gonna play for the next battle and Grave Digger Thomas requests 'Superman by goldfinger' as he loved that track on the Tony Hawks Soundtrack.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\"The what?\" I ask, confused, is he drunk?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\"The Tony Hawks pro skater soundtrack.\"  He re-iterates to me sternly.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\"No you idiot, its Gnomey Hawks Pro Skater\" I tell him, looking at everyone else like the guys a fucking idiot.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\"No. You are wrong, it's TONY HAWKS\" He says.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eI pull out my phone and google Gnomey Hawks, the game I've probably put a thousand hours into when I was a kid and it keeps auto correcting to Tony Hawks.  I'm getting a little panicked.  I remember vividly playing a tiny skateboarding gnome doing mad tricks like Gnome Air and grinding around the back garden level.  But there's nothing.  Everything is 'Tony Hawk', like thats a real fucking name.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eI'm sweating a little but everyone is staring at me intensely and the peer pressure gets under my skin.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\"Oh yeah TONY Hawks, sorry I was err confused for a second there.  Too much adrenaline from the last battle I guess...\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eEveryone has a little laugh and goldfinger plays as the next two warriors enter the bey blade arena.  I'm trying to concentrate on their dance of death but my mind is elsewhere, thinking back to when I was 14 playing Gnomey Hawk on my chipped playstation.  Remembering buying the game from the guy at the car boot on an unmarked disc.  Has my whole life been a lie?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eLive model shot details - \u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003emodel: \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/jessbuckl\/?hl=en\"\u003e@jessbuckl\u003c\/a\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003ephotographer: \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca class=\"x1i10hfl xjbqb8w x1ejq31n xd10rxx x1sy0etr x17r0tee x972fbf xcfux6l x1qhh985 xm0m39n x9f619 x1ypdohk xt0psk2 xe8uvvx xdj266r x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r xexx8yu x4uap5 x18d9i69 xkhd6sd x16tdsg8 x1hl2dhg xggy1nq x1a2a7pz notranslate _a6hd\" href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/earlgreyhot.images\/?hl=en\" role=\"link\" tabindex=\"0\"\u003e@earlgreyhot.images\u003c\/a\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eshot at \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca class=\"x1i10hfl xjbqb8w x1ejq31n xd10rxx x1sy0etr x17r0tee x972fbf xcfux6l x1qhh985 xm0m39n x9f619 x1ypdohk xt0psk2 xe8uvvx xdj266r x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r xexx8yu x4uap5 x18d9i69 xkhd6sd x16tdsg8 x1hl2dhg xggy1nq x1a2a7pz notranslate _a6hd\" href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/tankspaceofficial\/?hl=en\" role=\"link\" tabindex=\"0\"\u003e@tankspaceofficial\u003c\/a\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• 100% cotton twill\u003cbr\u003e• 6-panel unstructured cap with a low profile\u003cbr\u003e• 6 sewn eyelets\u003cbr\u003e• Black sweatband\u003cbr\u003e• Metal snap buckle with an antique brass finish\u003cbr\u003e• Washed-out vintage effect\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"dogecore","offers":[{"title":"Maroon","offer_id":48019024478483,"sku":"5570621_9793","price":24.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black","offer_id":48019024445715,"sku":"5570621_9791","price":24.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/2425\/9991\/files\/1_3d417997-2f11-4c36-a812-2980347c3dd0.jpg?v=1716975367"},{"product_id":"our-protector-t-shirt","title":"our protector - t-shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003ehe is full of horrors beyond comprehension\u003cbr\u003eand he must live with this knowledge alone\u003cbr\u003eit is his burden, his curse but also his gift to us, \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eour protector\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eGarment-dyed, heavyweight cotton T-shirt with a relaxed fit and a direct-to-garment print made with Oeko-Tex™ certified inks. It's pre-shrunk, so no need to worry about shrinkage. To avoid any fading or cracking of the print simply follow our wash care instructions. \u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"dogecore","offers":[{"title":"Flo Blue \/ S","offer_id":48880635085075,"sku":"6220972_15171","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Flo Blue \/ M","offer_id":48880635117843,"sku":"6220972_15172","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Flo Blue \/ L","offer_id":48880635150611,"sku":"6220972_15173","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Flo Blue \/ XL","offer_id":48880635183379,"sku":"6220972_15174","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Flo Blue \/ 2XL","offer_id":48880635216147,"sku":"6220972_15175","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Flo Blue \/ 3XL","offer_id":48880635248915,"sku":"6220972_16329","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Flo Blue \/ 4XL","offer_id":48880635281683,"sku":"6220972_17498","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Seafoam \/ S","offer_id":48880635314451,"sku":"6220972_16529","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Seafoam \/ M","offer_id":48880635347219,"sku":"6220972_16530","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Seafoam \/ L","offer_id":48880635379987,"sku":"6220972_16531","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Seafoam \/ XL","offer_id":48880635412755,"sku":"6220972_16532","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Seafoam \/ 2XL","offer_id":48880635445523,"sku":"6220972_16533","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Seafoam \/ 3XL","offer_id":48880635478291,"sku":"6220972_16534","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Seafoam \/ 4XL","offer_id":48880635511059,"sku":"6220972_17514","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ivory \/ S","offer_id":48880635543827,"sku":"6220972_16523","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ivory \/ M","offer_id":48880635576595,"sku":"6220972_16524","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ivory \/ L","offer_id":48880635609363,"sku":"6220972_16525","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ivory \/ XL","offer_id":48880635642131,"sku":"6220972_16526","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ivory \/ 2XL","offer_id":48880635674899,"sku":"6220972_16527","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ivory \/ 3XL","offer_id":48880635707667,"sku":"6220972_16528","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ivory \/ 4XL","offer_id":48880635740435,"sku":"6220972_17507","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ S","offer_id":48880635773203,"sku":"6220972_15124","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ M","offer_id":48880635805971,"sku":"6220972_15125","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ L","offer_id":48880635838739,"sku":"6220972_15126","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":48880635871507,"sku":"6220972_15127","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":48880635904275,"sku":"6220972_15128","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":48880635937043,"sku":"6220972_16335","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 4XL","offer_id":48880635969811,"sku":"6220972_17508","price":26.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/2425\/9991\/files\/1_75740228-1a01-45f5-8b12-85c23bfe2768.jpg?v=1714393016"},{"product_id":"goblins-are-real-corduroy-hat-1","title":"goblins are real - corduroy hat","description":"\u003cdiv data-pm-slice=\"0 0 []\" data-en-clipboard=\"true\" data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003eGoblins are real, have you seen them? You see them right? They're all around us and probably in your walls at this very moment. What do they want? Well I will tell you, it might help you in future should you want to protect something precious to you. Did you know that goblins have a penchant for Prince Diana memorial plates? You could say they have a mild obsession with them. When the peoples princess was sadly assassinated by the crown back in 1997, the UK made thousands upon thousands of ceramic plates with her airbrushed likeness on them. Not to be eaten on or used as one would a plate, but to be placed above a fireplace or in a glass cabinet to be adored by anyone who would enter your home. Goblins couldn't get enough of these things and have been stealing them ever since to sell on the black market. 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It's pre-shrunk, so no need to worry about shrinkage. 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