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You want a pen pal? You want a zine once a month? You wanna know more about the dogmensions and how to access them?\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e Well... Sign up and find out.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eI'll send you analogue memes via the post in the form of a monthly letter. I might even put stickers in there and even bits of my own hair. What great pleasure awaits you once a month as you run to the maibox to read deeper into the lore of dogecore, where dogs do not exist but also are gay and vegan.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWhat wonders you will see, your mind warped so much you try to scroll on a piece of a paper like its an ipad. I will show you things. I will tell you about the dogmensions and how to forge your own reality.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eYou will receive monthly mails filled to the brim with hardcore analogue meme content.  \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eDo you believe in dogs? \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003ehaha \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eyou fool  \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eI will teach you.\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eMonthly subscription - You will be charged every 30 days.\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eYou can cancel at any time.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWorldwide shipping is already included in the subscription price.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eZines shipped on the 1st of every month.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"dogecore","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":32411808464956,"sku":null,"price":4.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/2425\/9991\/products\/PROMOZinecover7jpegsmaller.jpg?v=1611239353"},{"product_id":"extreme-set","title":"extreme set","description":"\u003cp\u003eset of 5 stickers to stick somewhere when you're feeling like punching a drywall\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"dogecore","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":32587728289852,"sku":null,"price":4.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/2425\/9991\/products\/5_56de2847-2fd6-4924-9620-32c943b94c4e.png?v=1604668861"},{"product_id":"boy-set","title":"boy set","description":"\u003cp\u003eset of 5 stickers made specifically for men\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"dogecore","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":32587729469500,"sku":null,"price":4.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/2425\/9991\/products\/2_f337e670-ab2d-4a26-8add-208d2b84d15b.png?v=1604668966"},{"product_id":"american-dream-set","title":"american dream set","description":"\u003cp\u003eset of 5 stickers to stick to your gun collection\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"dogecore","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":32587730714684,"sku":null,"price":4.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/2425\/9991\/products\/5_8a18396c-dfbd-4c77-91d9-8038ff7633b4.png?v=1604669097"},{"product_id":"nature-set","title":"nature set","description":"\u003cp\u003eset of 5 stickers to stick to variety of bugs you'll encounter in your dailt life\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"dogecore","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":32587731992636,"sku":null,"price":4.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/2425\/9991\/products\/2_e36f436c-bb68-4cb0-acdc-734937ab3a97.png?v=1604669363"},{"product_id":"grimes-set","title":"grimes set","description":"\u003cp\u003eset of 5 stickers designed while thinking about jpg of grimes eating spaghetti\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"dogecore","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":32587733663804,"sku":null,"price":4.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/2425\/9991\/products\/3_5f36af79-fed3-4b35-a2d6-64dd2bcc72a1.png?v=1604669267"},{"product_id":"pboy-patch","title":"pboy patch","description":"\u003cp\u003e9cm\/3,5\" pboy patch that you can sew to your face\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"dogecore","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":32593704812604,"sku":null,"price":3.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/2425\/9991\/products\/IMG_6978.jpg?v=1605005880"},{"product_id":"born-to-swim-tanktop","title":"born to swim - tanktop","description":"\u003cp data-pm-slice=\"0 0 []\" data-en-clipboard=\"true\" data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003e \u003cspan\u003eI've had a hard life. Born different and everyone knew it. It's hard to hide having webbed hands when you're in school. And it was even harder to hide my webbed feet once we began swimming lessons and everyone could see them in the open. Then they got mad when I swam laps around them.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThey'd call me frog boy and throw frogspawn at me in the spring. Kid's can be so cruel but teenagers are even worse. Frog spawn evolved into live toads being hurled at me and when I was 15 they even started poking fun at my name.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eYou see I wasn't only cursed with different hands and feet but also my name was open to mockery. My name is Peter Pearson and the kids would call me PePe and say shit like \"Hey look its the rapper lil PP hoppin through!\" before launching a toad or a frog at me. Many pepe memes were made about me and stuck to my locker. Life was hell.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eI dread to think how many toads died just because I existed. All the above torment and the onset of puberty turned me into a bitter teenager. I would go to the ocean which was nearby and throw rocks at it in an angry rage but they would always just skim off its surface. Nothing phased the ocean, it is an impossible and deep force that cannot be stopped or assaulted by one teenage boy alone.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eI would never beat it. But I must have some kind of revenge on the place everyone thinks I am from. The water. It's the waters fault I am like this, I know it. When my mother was giving birth to me she opted to have a water birth at home whilst watching the movie 'splash' to calm herself and I kinda blame that for how I ended up like this.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eIf I couldn't beat the ocean then how could I get my revenge? How could I vent all this hatred that had been beaten into me throughout my life? I hatched a plan.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eA couple of miles away was a carp farm. Thousands, maybe millions of carp were raised there for human consumption in these little pens in a large lake. I cycled up there one evening with the intention of sabotaging the filtration system and massacring them all. They would feel every minute of pain I had felt. These children of water, these bastard fish brethren I blamed for my own problems.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eCresting a hill nearby, I took out my binoculars and scanned the area. The place was fenced off with razor wire and I could see a guard sat in his little hut by the entrance watching Robocop on a tiny TV.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBut as I scanned further I saw how I could enter. There was a drainage stream leading away from the lake, allowing a steady flow of water to flow through the farm.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eI dismounted my bike, walked downhill, undressed and dived into the water and began swimming upstream. The water was filled with fish shit, old food, dead scales and chemicals used to keep the fish healthy. I waded through this, upstream, becoming increasingly angry.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eIt wasn't long before I made it to the top and over, into the lake and towards the carp farm. I slipped into the netting and I was suddenly surrounded by thousands of carps. They were crammed in like sardines (pun intended btw) and looked panicked. All of them desperate to escape the prison they lived in knowing there was more to life beyond it. And all the anger from me went. I could only feel pity for these creatures. Much like me they were just trying to live their life, confused by the confines of their cages like I was confused by the confines of the society I had been born into.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eI no longer wanted to kill them. I wanted to free them, to give them a chance I never could have out there in the big wide world. I cut the nets that controlled them, allowing them to escape. I watched and howled\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\"Be free my brothers! Go forth and live your little fishy lives. I love you all!\" Totally elated.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMaybe this will make up for all the frogs that have died from impacting against my pathetic little existence. The fish followed the current downstream, following the way I had entered into the farm. When I was sure most had escaped, I swam out the way I came in and found my bike and peddled home. That night I slept better than I had for years, I felt like a hero.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThe next day I walked into the kitchen feeling like a man. My mother had made me toast and I sat down with a smile on my face at the kitchen table. I took a bite and flicked the TV onto the news.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\"..Sad sight here at the beach\" The news reporter said over the image of thousands of dead carps lapping against the shore.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\"Hundreds of Thousands of fresh water carp have died after eco terrorists slashed their nets in the local carp farm last night. The fish having nowhere to go but downstream ended up in the ocean where they couldn't survive. May god have mercy on the people who have done this.\"\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eI'm frozen in shock as warm butter drips from the toast I'm holding into my palm and it feels like blood.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003e• helps you drown if you don't take it off before swimming\u003cbr\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003e• \u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003ei am sea man\u003cbr\u003e• Protects you from drowning by giving you the ability to breathe under water (ignore previous statement)\u003cbr\u003e• 100% combed and ringspun cotton\u003cbr\u003e• Side-seamed, unisex sizing\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"dogecore","offers":[{"title":"White \/ XS","offer_id":32688394043452,"sku":"8923271_8658","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ S","offer_id":32688394076220,"sku":"8923271_8659","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ M","offer_id":32688394108988,"sku":"8923271_8660","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ L","offer_id":32688394141756,"sku":"8923271_8661","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":32688394174524,"sku":"8923271_8662","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":32688394207292,"sku":"8923271_8663","price":21.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"True Royal \/ XS","offer_id":32688393846844,"sku":"8923271_8640","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"True Royal \/ S","offer_id":32688393879612,"sku":"8923271_8641","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"True Royal \/ M","offer_id":32688393912380,"sku":"8923271_8642","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"True Royal \/ L","offer_id":32688393945148,"sku":"8923271_8643","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"True Royal \/ XL","offer_id":32688393977916,"sku":"8923271_8644","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"True Royal \/ 2XL","offer_id":32688394010684,"sku":"8923271_8645","price":21.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/2425\/9991\/products\/111_744bafbd-05d2-43b4-8d93-79aa3f0c53b0.jpg?v=1611923322"},{"product_id":"death-is-coming-tanktop","title":"death is coming - tanktop","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003eThe world is dying, you and your family burn NFT's in an old wood burner to keep the house warm. Your dad just came back from raiding the local Arby's trash for stale bread you dip into a broth you made from boiling your shoes.  you've never felt more alive.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \u003cbr\u003e • 100% combed and ringspun cotton\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e• +2 strength modifier \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e • Side-seamed, unisex sizing\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"dogecore","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ XS","offer_id":32695104503868,"sku":"1559735_8628","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ S","offer_id":32695104536636,"sku":"1559735_8629","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ M","offer_id":32695104569404,"sku":"1559735_8630","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ L","offer_id":32695104602172,"sku":"1559735_8631","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":32695104634940,"sku":"1559735_8632","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":32695104667708,"sku":"1559735_8633","price":21.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XS","offer_id":32695104700476,"sku":"1559735_8658","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ S","offer_id":32695104733244,"sku":"1559735_8659","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ M","offer_id":32695104766012,"sku":"1559735_8660","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ L","offer_id":32695104798780,"sku":"1559735_8661","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":32695104831548,"sku":"1559735_8662","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":32695104864316,"sku":"1559735_8663","price":21.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/2425\/9991\/products\/111_84d26a02-784d-4500-9519-6d8fc89b3bc2.jpg?v=1611925532"},{"product_id":"live-fast-pet-dogs-tanktop","title":"live fast pet dogs - tanktop","description":"\u003cp\u003eI will miss him, my little boy. I never really wanted kids so I got a dog instead and I treated him like my own son. Me and my wife would take him to doggy daycare 3 times a week and he would be so excited to be there. I got the impression he would want to stay there forever if he had the choice. I would call it 'dog school' and ask him questions about his day like he understood me in the evenings after I brought him home.\u003cbr data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e\u003cbr data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003eBut he's gone. I know he's not there anymore... But the husk is. The weird shell he used to animate, the body I used to call my boy, was frozen in place at the top of the steps outside the bathroom like some kind of golem. We both knew it was coming, he was 16 years old and most dogs don't live that long. I've already cried about it and when I saw it had come to pass it felt almost like relief. I didn't need to carry him up the stairs anymore because he couldn't do it himself. \u003cbr data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e\u003cbr data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003eI squatted down and stroked his head, he looked so peaceful. It felt odd like stroking a hairy brick, he's not there anymore. I hope I go out this way, in my bed asleep. I wonder what he was dreaming about towards the end\u003cbr data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e\u003cbr data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003eThe next day we begin the preparations. My wife and I have always known what we would do in this situation and we had been planning it for a while now. Some might think it macabre but we thought it was romantic and a little poetic, it's what he would have wanted.\u003cbr data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e\u003cbr data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003eShe was crying a lot more than me. I was trying to stay strong, thinking about how proud I was of my little boy, such a good dog. She nearly broke down when we removed the small ship from the shed it's been stored in for the past 6 months. The guy did a good job making this custom viking longboat for us. my wife did some research on local carpenters once the vet gave me the bad news and got everything prepared ahead of time. I know she was impressed with the craftmanship that went into it, however sad it was.\u003cbr data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e\u003cbr data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003eShe didn't eat much today. I didn't either. It's hard to look at a piece of meat knowing your son is rigid wrapped in blankets nearby. I went outside and threw the steak I was trying to eat to the birds and it stuck to one of the foot pegs on the phone pole outside my house. \u003cbr data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e\u003cbr data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003eAnd that evening we stood together, holding hands, next to the lake in the local park. It wasn't a huge lake but then again he wasn't a big dog. I lit some candles by the shore, nobody else was around at this hour, who uses the park at night? Rapists? I don't know. We had the place to ourselves to pay our respects.\u003cbr data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e\u003cbr data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003eWith the candles lit, I said some nice words about him and she said hers, we looked at one another with tears in our eyes and kissed. I placed his corpse on the tiny viking longboat she helped craft and dropped it on the lake, pushing it out. We stood there in silence for a while watching him float away from us and then my wife brought out her phone and started the 'Conan the barbarian original sound track' on spotify. Just like we discussed.\u003cbr data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e\u003cbr data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003eAfter a few moments, (I was waiting to time my next action to the music for cinematic effect) I lit the arrow I had prepared earlier and picked up the bow I found on gumtree for twenty quid and hoped that all the practicing I'd been doing in the back yard would pay off.\u003cbr data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e\u003cbr data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003eWith the arrow lit, I strung it up and with a twang it was sent it in a fiery arch towards him. My aim was true. The arrow struck the boat and all the gasoline I had poured over the whole mess caught a flame instantly. Our silence was broken by the roar of the fire as my boy was sent to Valhalla. I feel my wife's hand crawl into mine by my side and we lean into one another as the light licks our faces like he used to do. With the Conan soundtrack playing I stare into the flames and say \"He always wanted a viking funeral\".\u003cbr data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e\u003cbr data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e• Instantly increases your ability to pet a dog\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• 100% combed and ringspun cotton, soft as balls.\u003cbr\u003e• Side-seamed, unisex sizing\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"dogecore","offers":[{"title":"White \/ XS","offer_id":32695374315580,"sku":"8976767_8658","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ S","offer_id":32695374348348,"sku":"8976767_8659","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ M","offer_id":32695374381116,"sku":"8976767_8660","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ L","offer_id":32695374413884,"sku":"8976767_8661","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":32695374446652,"sku":"8976767_8662","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":32695374479420,"sku":"8976767_8663","price":21.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XS","offer_id":32695373856828,"sku":"8976767_8628","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ S","offer_id":32695373889596,"sku":"8976767_8629","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ M","offer_id":32695373922364,"sku":"8976767_8630","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ L","offer_id":32695373955132,"sku":"8976767_8631","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":32695373987900,"sku":"8976767_8632","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":32695374020668,"sku":"8976767_8633","price":21.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"True Royal \/ XS","offer_id":32695374086204,"sku":"8976767_8640","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"True Royal \/ S","offer_id":32695374118972,"sku":"8976767_8641","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"True Royal \/ M","offer_id":32695374151740,"sku":"8976767_8642","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"True Royal \/ L","offer_id":32695374184508,"sku":"8976767_8643","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"True Royal \/ XL","offer_id":32695374250044,"sku":"8976767_8644","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"True Royal \/ 2XL","offer_id":32695374282812,"sku":"8976767_8645","price":21.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/2425\/9991\/products\/333_4f538515-1999-433a-ad10-cb5c21374c29.jpg?v=1611926411"},{"product_id":"call-the-frogs-tanktop","title":"call the frogs - tanktop","description":"\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003eoh shit\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003cp data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003eoh fuck\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e• Asserts dominance when using gym equipment improperly on purpose.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e • 100% combed and ringspun cotton\u003cbr\u003e • Side-seamed, unisex sizing\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"dogecore","offers":[{"title":"White \/ XS","offer_id":32698417578044,"sku":"5624913_8658","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ S","offer_id":32698417610812,"sku":"5624913_8659","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ M","offer_id":32698417643580,"sku":"5624913_8660","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ L","offer_id":32698417676348,"sku":"5624913_8661","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":32698417709116,"sku":"5624913_8662","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":32698417741884,"sku":"5624913_8663","price":21.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XS","offer_id":32698417184828,"sku":"5624913_8628","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ S","offer_id":32698417217596,"sku":"5624913_8629","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ M","offer_id":32698417250364,"sku":"5624913_8630","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ L","offer_id":32698417283132,"sku":"5624913_8631","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":32698417315900,"sku":"5624913_8632","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":32698417348668,"sku":"5624913_8633","price":21.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"True Royal \/ XS","offer_id":32698417381436,"sku":"5624913_8640","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"True Royal \/ S","offer_id":32698417414204,"sku":"5624913_8641","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"True Royal \/ M","offer_id":32698417446972,"sku":"5624913_8642","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"True Royal \/ L","offer_id":32698417479740,"sku":"5624913_8643","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"True Royal \/ XL","offer_id":32698417512508,"sku":"5624913_8644","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"True Royal \/ 2XL","offer_id":32698417545276,"sku":"5624913_8645","price":21.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/2425\/9991\/products\/33_3d511eeb-fe22-4090-a736-12e13e4db1d2.jpg?v=1611927650"},{"product_id":"be-gay-do-crime-tanktop","title":"be gay do crime - tanktop","description":"\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003ebe yourself, always. Nobody can do you better than you do yourself. If people didn't throw stones at \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Stonewall_riots#:~:text=The%20Stonewall%20riots%20(also%20referred,in%20the%20Greenwich%20Village%20neighborhood\" data-mce-fragment=\"1\" data-mce-href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Stonewall_riots#:~:text=The%20Stonewall%20riots%20(also%20referred,in%20the%20Greenwich%20Village%20neighborhood\"\u003estonewall\u003c\/a\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e, nothing would have changed. Believe in who you are and what you stand for and be recognised. I love you.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e• Prevents most but not all arrests\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e • 100% combed and ringspun cotton\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e• Crimes committed in this shirt are above the law and you will not go to prison, its just science baby look it up\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e • Side-seamed, unisex sizing\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"dogecore","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ XS","offer_id":32706554134588,"sku":"9598259_8628","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ S","offer_id":32706554167356,"sku":"9598259_8629","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ M","offer_id":32706554200124,"sku":"9598259_8630","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ L","offer_id":32706554232892,"sku":"9598259_8631","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":32706554265660,"sku":"9598259_8632","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":32706554298428,"sku":"9598259_8633","price":21.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XS","offer_id":32706554331196,"sku":"9598259_8658","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ S","offer_id":32706554363964,"sku":"9598259_8659","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ M","offer_id":32706554396732,"sku":"9598259_8660","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ L","offer_id":32706554429500,"sku":"9598259_8661","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":32706554462268,"sku":"9598259_8662","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":32706554495036,"sku":"9598259_8663","price":21.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/2425\/9991\/products\/2_681b3a30-64ab-489d-89d9-93f891d85f19.jpg?v=1644500236"},{"product_id":"i-have-given-up-tanktop","title":"i have given up - tanktop","description":"\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003eI cant get out of bed today. I just want to lay in my own filth and eat hotdogs out of the can whilst watching a funny youtube video of a dog eating a burrito in 1 second over and over again. Please do not call me I do not like talking on the phone. The postman said I looked like shit as he dropped off my weekly order of lunchables.  I just can't.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e• This is a desperate cry for help\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e • 100% combed and ringspun cotton\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e• If anyone is out there please email me I am lonely\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e • Side-seamed, unisex sizing\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"dogecore","offers":[{"title":"White \/ XS","offer_id":32712884781116,"sku":"6376830_8658","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ S","offer_id":32712884813884,"sku":"6376830_8659","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ M","offer_id":32712884846652,"sku":"6376830_8660","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ L","offer_id":32712884879420,"sku":"6376830_8661","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":32712884912188,"sku":"6376830_8662","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":32712884944956,"sku":"6376830_8663","price":21.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XS","offer_id":32712884387900,"sku":"6376830_8628","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ S","offer_id":32712884420668,"sku":"6376830_8629","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ M","offer_id":32712884453436,"sku":"6376830_8630","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ L","offer_id":32712884486204,"sku":"6376830_8631","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":32712884518972,"sku":"6376830_8632","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":32712884551740,"sku":"6376830_8633","price":21.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"True Royal \/ XS","offer_id":32712884584508,"sku":"6376830_8640","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"True Royal \/ S","offer_id":32712884617276,"sku":"6376830_8641","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"True Royal \/ M","offer_id":32712884650044,"sku":"6376830_8642","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"True Royal \/ L","offer_id":32712884682812,"sku":"6376830_8643","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"True Royal \/ XL","offer_id":32712884715580,"sku":"6376830_8644","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"True Royal \/ 2XL","offer_id":32712884748348,"sku":"6376830_8645","price":21.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/2425\/9991\/products\/333_9172aa69-3f51-4f39-b025-c02635b75b3c.jpg?v=1612872358"},{"product_id":"i-am-useless-and-gay-tanktop","title":"useless and gay - 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Those giants sure are big haha\" I said nervously and she looked up at me like I was a stranger on the bus or something.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe waiter came over fairly quickly and I was thankful, this is awkward as fuck.  Now's my chance to impress I thought.  Lets hope 5 years of duolingo finally pays off.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\"Kon'nichiwa u~eitā watashi wa katamari no sakana no temakirōru to buta no kōmon gyōza no sokumen to watashi no utsukushī hidzuke ga sukinamono de Supamu sashimi o chūmon shitai to omoimasu.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eI said with, in my opinion, a perfect accent (that didn't sound racist) before giving a little bow.  The waiter seemed impressed and scribbled some stuff down.  He then looked over at my date who said\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\"Yeah I'll have the chips please.  Just chips.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAnd then went back to her phone.  I cant fucking believe this shit.  What is going on.  I got bored of being ignored so I got my own phone out and started playing a 5 minute game of chess to distract myself.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWhen the food arrived, she ate it rather fast whilst I failed to use my chop sticks so just gave up and started to use my hands like some kind of caveman.  A table next to us looked at me like I was a joke and I just stared at them whilst shoveling fish and rice into my mouth until they looked away from me.  I had given up at this point.  Fuck my life, fuck this girl.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWhen she was finished eating, she said\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\"I'm leaving.  No hard feelings but I just go on these dates because people buy me food as I'm too lazy to cook.  Oh and by the way even a fucking idiot can use chopsticks, grow up.\" before standing up and walking out of the restaurant.  I was... 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She kept putting too much pink meat in the pasties making them look like fat children.  She was called into the office and we could all see her having a meeting with the black Labrador.  It looked bored.  She started weeping and left and we never saw her again.  Fired by a dog I guess.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWho were we to question it?  All the power held by those above.  Pawns in a machine we couldn't comprehend just trying to make sure we could pay our heating bills.  But I had a plan.  I told the secretary I had to ask the boss something and she allowed me into his office for a moment.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eI had pumped a litre of pink meat into my work pocket, and when alone with the 'boss' I emptied it on his desk.  Looking into his deep eyes I said \"I think we both know what this means, that we have an understanding?\" And he bowed his head and looked excitedly at his prize.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eI returned to work but I couldn't look at the faces of my colleagues.  I knew I had sold myself out.  It was a week later when I received my promotion in a letter delivered to my house signed with a paw print.  I wasn't the meat pumper at the sausage roll station anymore.  I was the secretary of the boss dog in his office.  The old lady who used to do that role now did my old job, pumping pink sausage meat into pastry prisons for minimum wage.  She looked at me through the glass of my office like her eyes were made of poison and I put my feet on my desk like it was made of gold and shot her a wink.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eI don't understand this world but I'm killing it.  I have 4 things to do today and I've told everybody I'm very busy and they all believe it.  My dog boss calls me in for meetings that last an hour and I don't understand a word he's saying or what is happening but I feel important.  It's a crazy world out there for people like us, the chosen few who overlook the working class.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e• fall upwards in life with dogecore\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e • 100% combed and ringspun cotton\u003cbr\u003e • 30 singles thread weight\u003cbr\u003e • Side-seamed, unisex sizing\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"dogecore","offers":[{"title":"XS","offer_id":39444155531324,"sku":"5048460_8658","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"S","offer_id":39444155564092,"sku":"5048460_8659","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":39444155596860,"sku":"5048460_8660","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":39444155629628,"sku":"5048460_8661","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":39444155662396,"sku":"5048460_8662","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":39444155695164,"sku":"5048460_8663","price":21.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/2425\/9991\/products\/11_9a36ec2a-8ed9-491b-9f6c-fc3a0a1b3a61.jpg?v=1628162847"},{"product_id":"leftovers-set","title":"leftovers set","description":"\u003cp\u003ehandful of (at least 10) random stickers i have left from all the other sets \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003estickkkkkk em\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"dogecore","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":39451045789756,"sku":null,"price":4.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/2425\/9991\/products\/1_43106a4c-4366-414a-8a4d-1657fddb893a.jpg?v=1628675482"},{"product_id":"cloud-pboy","title":"cloud pboy","description":"\u003cp\u003ehes out there\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"dogecore","offers":[{"title":"S","offer_id":39481668862012,"sku":"5038939_2801","price":17.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":39481668894780,"sku":"5038939_2802","price":17.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":39481668927548,"sku":"5038939_2803","price":17.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":39481668960316,"sku":"5038939_2804","price":17.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":39481668993084,"sku":"5038939_3060","price":17.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL","offer_id":39481669025852,"sku":"5038939_3123","price":18.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"4XL","offer_id":39481669058620,"sku":"5038939_3186","price":19.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"5XL","offer_id":39481669091388,"sku":"5038939_3249","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/2425\/9991\/products\/1_1fbfc9c3-af47-4e5b-b14c-2dd7e6d7aca1.jpg?v=1630920354"},{"product_id":"space-jam-tanktop","title":"second impact - tanktop","description":"\u003cdiv data-en-clipboard=\"true\" data-pm-slice=\"1 1 []\"\u003eWe never saw it coming. Even if we did we wouldn't have been able to do anything about it. Who knew that in the dark emptiness of space a giant basketball the size of a small moon was being ridden by a huge cosmic raccoon, heading towards earth at 420 thousand miles per hour.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e• rufus scores a basket, but at what cost?\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e • 100% combed and ringspun cotton\u003cbr\u003e • Fabric weight: 4.2 oz\/yd² (142.40 g\/m²)\u003cbr\u003e • 30 singles thread weight\u003cbr\u003e • Side-seamed, unisex sizing\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"dogecore","offers":[{"title":"True Royal \/ XS","offer_id":39520698138684,"sku":"6807971_8640","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"True Royal \/ S","offer_id":39520698171452,"sku":"6807971_8641","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"True Royal \/ M","offer_id":39520698204220,"sku":"6807971_8642","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"True Royal \/ L","offer_id":39520698236988,"sku":"6807971_8643","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"True Royal \/ XL","offer_id":39520698269756,"sku":"6807971_8644","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"True Royal \/ 2XL","offer_id":39520698302524,"sku":"6807971_8645","price":21.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XS","offer_id":39520697942076,"sku":"6807971_8628","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ S","offer_id":39520697974844,"sku":"6807971_8629","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ M","offer_id":39520698007612,"sku":"6807971_8630","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ L","offer_id":39520698040380,"sku":"6807971_8631","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":39520698073148,"sku":"6807971_8632","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":39520698105916,"sku":"6807971_8633","price":21.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XS","offer_id":39520698335292,"sku":"6807971_8658","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ S","offer_id":39520698368060,"sku":"6807971_8659","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ M","offer_id":39520698400828,"sku":"6807971_8660","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ L","offer_id":39520698433596,"sku":"6807971_8661","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":39520698466364,"sku":"6807971_8662","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":39520698499132,"sku":"6807971_8663","price":21.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/2425\/9991\/products\/4_c7c1ac84-22ad-419b-8f84-294487f7ae26.jpg?v=1633684201"},{"product_id":"be-nice-to-me-baseball-cap","title":"be nice to me - baseball cap","description":"\u003cdiv data-pm-slice=\"1 1 []\" data-en-clipboard=\"true\" data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003eWe were playing Echo the dolphin on our sega saturn when it happened.  Mum ran into the room whilst me and my brother were day dreaming to the soundtrack to ask us for help.  Nan wasn't acting right and mum she thought she was having a stroke.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e\u003cbr data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e\"She just keeps moving back and forth but its blurry and I don't know if its her or me oh my god I just don't know.  I cant even trust my own eyes.  My beautiful young boys please help me\" my mum said, lil weird but it was a strange day.  I heard on the radio that the IRA had just called in a bomb threat outside the Arndale and it was all over the news.  Everyone was acting crazy, it wouldn't surprise me if nan was being a bit weird.  She had gotten so into embroidery recently with her new machine I barely saw her outside of that space anymore.  She'd sit for hours adding flowers to shit that didn't even need flowers.  I didn't get it.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e\u003cbr data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003eMe and my brother ran into the room my nan sewed in and holy shit, there she was, glitching in and out of reality at the sewing machine.  She looked ok tho, not disturbed by the experience just deep into her work, sewing a new dolphin onto my school blazer.  I don't think it will be allowed and I'll probably have all my teeth beaten out of me for it as people will assume I'm a homosexual for liking dolphins but hey, its my nan.  Let her work and be happy, she's doing her best.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e\u003cbr data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003eAnd here she is, looking like a nackered scart cable connection, phasing in and out of reality in RGB formats.  My brother, the smart one, goes up and kicks her chair and she sits up.  It all ends.  She's there again all normal like nothing had happened.  Like she wasn't having issues with her analogue connection keeping her in the mortal realm a moment ago.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e\u003cbr data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e\"Why did you kick my chair?\" She looks up from her work and asks him, annoyed to be disturbed.  But he just smiles and runs back into the other room and continues to play saga saturn.  It was at that moment in 1996 the IRA detonated a\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e1,500-kilogram bomb outside the Arndale shopping centre in Manchester, causing £1.3 billion pounds worth of damage and to be honest, doing us all a favour because the place has always been a shithole and needed a complete redo. \u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e\u003cbr data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e\u003ca href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/1996_Manchester_bombing\" data-mce-fragment=\"1\" data-mce-href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/1996_Manchester_bombing\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003eThanks lads.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/a\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cbr data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e• Echo locates friends and enemies.  Do you want to fight or kiss?  You decide.\u003cbr data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e• Glitch tech for your head.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e • 100% chino cotton twill\u003cbr\u003e • Unstructured, 6-panel, low-profile\u003cbr\u003e • 6 embroidered eyelets\u003cbr\u003e • 3 ⅛” (7.6 cm) crown\u003cbr\u003e • Adjustable strap with antique buckle","brand":"dogecore","offers":[{"title":"Khaki","offer_id":39689070968892,"sku":"9646098_7855","price":24.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Pink","offer_id":39689067167804,"sku":"7877782_7858","price":24.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Light Blue","offer_id":39689071034428,"sku":"9646098_7856","price":24.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/2425\/9991\/products\/1_d5a8ebde-cde2-440a-86d2-87376bf2f1bd.jpg?v=1639664004"},{"product_id":"what-the-dog-doin-poster","title":"what the dog doin - poster","description":"\u003cp\u003eMuseum-quality posters made on thick and durable matte paper.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e8\"x10\" = 20x25cm\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e12\"x16\" = 30x40cm\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e16\"x20\" = 40x50cm\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e18\"x24\" = 45x60cm\u003cbr\u003e \u003cbr\u003e • Paper thickness: 10.3 mil\u003cbr\u003e • Paper weight: 5.57 oz\/y² (189 g\/m²)\u003cbr\u003e • Giclée printing quality\u003cbr\u003e • Opacity: 94%\u003cbr\u003e • ISO brightness: 104%\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"dogecore","offers":[{"title":"8″×10″","offer_id":39853067436092,"sku":"1734470_4463","price":13.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"12″×16″","offer_id":39853067468860,"sku":"1734470_1349","price":16.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"16″×20″","offer_id":39853067501628,"sku":"1734470_3877","price":17.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"18″×24″","offer_id":39853067534396,"sku":"1734470_1","price":19.5,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/2425\/9991\/products\/DSCF9595.jpg?v=1651573136"},{"product_id":"eat-bug-poster","title":"eat bug  - 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tanktop","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"UTF-8\"\u003e \u003cspan\u003eHe's in there again. Every night he crawls in there and I can hear him rattling around outside my house. What does he do in there every night?\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWhen dawn comes, I go look at what's left. Just tools showing signs of wear. Scraps of metal and wiring and sometimes little empty vials. I didn't throw any of this out so why does he bring it here? What is he building?\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBut I don't want to disturb him. I once saw him looking around before crawling inside, like he was seeing if anyone witnessed him, really shifty behaviour.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLast night was the worst by far. I was woken up at 3am to a loud silent flash outside followed by more clanging and I saw him running into the night. Smoke rising from my trashcan which he seems to be using as a workshop.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eTonight I will confront him. I have my 10 year old daughter wrap bibles around my arms with tape for protection and put on my hockey mask. I tell her to wait inside and to call the police if I don't come back in 15 minutes. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWhen she was safe in the basement, (I didn't want her to be scared) I snapped a bunch of old chicken bones in half and built some kind of macabre spiked club out of the splinters and my trusty baseball bat. And outside I went, to finally find out what that bastard has been doing every night in my trash can. To catch him in the act. I know he's in there because its moving, clanging about furiously as he works. I can hear the grinding of metal on metal and flashes like he's welding, but how is this possible?\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eIn the end, he's too quick for me. The moment I get within 5 yards of my trash he erupts out of it, throwing me off guard and onto my back. I look at him approach me, metal scraps strapped to his body like a little suit of raccoon armour. In his tiny chaotic claw is an old razor I threw out and he slashes it in the air towards me. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eI swing the bat around wildly to scare him but he gets distracted and is looking over my shoulder backing away. I cautiously turn my head and I cannot believe what I'm seeing. Another raccoon has just entered my yard with its own armour and it's even crafted a tiny axe out of broken glass and a branch. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eIt ignores me completely and I crawl away from them. They begin to circle one another making high pitches screeching noises. I manage to make it back into my house and lock the door before going to the window to watch what was happening. They were duelling in my yard like little gladiators! Their tiny improvised weapons clanged against their armour as they come to blows. This went on for 5 minutes until they began to get tired. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eAnd then the raccoon that works in my trashcan suffered a horrible blow to its leg. He went down on one knee with his head down, defeated.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eNot skipping a beat I ran upstairs and into my cupboard, this should do I thought. And I ran to the window overlooking them from the second floor. The invading raccoon was savouring the moment, seemingly talking to his defeated opponent whilst pacing back and forth. He raised his glass axe above his head to deliver the killing blow and at that moment I tossed my prize bowling ball at him. He turned for a split second as the 8KG ball smashed into his face, collapsing his entire body into a mangled mess of steel and flesh.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan\u003eI gave a thumbs up to my little trash panda that works in my garden. 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The times they send a person to distract me so they can pocket some haribo, I see it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAnd I cant do anything, I just have to smile and be nice and occasionally throw them out.  I cant even beat the crap out of them and they're smug about it.  Even when I catch them they shout 'Hey this nonce is putting his filthy Saville hands on me!' and accuse me of trying to touch their genitals.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIts a catch 22 situation, I cannot win and they know it.  They know the crime isn't serious enough to get them arrested and at most all I can do is ban them from my shop.  I knew I had to take matters into my own hands, to let the kids in the school know not to fuck with me.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWhen I was young, I remember that if you let another boy punch you and you didn't defend yourself, then he would punch on you all the time.  He would gloat on it, humiliate you and take advantage of your weakness to make himself look or feel better.  But if you stood up for yourself and put up a fight, that bully would not fuck with you again.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAnd here I am getting walked all over by children, unable to beat them.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBut I knew I could best them, just not in my store, not over a stolen can of cola and not with my fists.  I had a car and they did not.  I had access to a wealth of imagination, time and unhinged rage they could only dream of.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eI was sitting in my car one day whilst my wife worked the shop and I saw one of the worst kids exit the place, clutching his stolen goods.  My hands gripping the steering wheel so tight I thought my finger nails would pop off wanting to run that little shit right into the postbox behind him..  Mix his red insides with red of the post box, send him like a letter to his maker.  But I didn't, I followed him slowly to where he lived and paused until I saw him go through the door, waving goodbye to his friend so I knew it was his house.  Where he lay his stupid fucking hair with the frosted tips like he thinks its 1995 again.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAnd later that evening, through his cat flap, I poured my vengeance.  I had spent months collecting rats with humane traps from the back of my cousins restaurant.  Huge street fucks that got so big even the local cats couldn't intimidate or kill them.  I cultivated them in my cellar, feeding them left over fried chicken I laced with some light steroids I had picked up at the gym.  I watched them grow, like my own personal army of Bane Rats,  a writhing mass of my anger, a pox I poured into his house, every tiny part of my hatred I felt for him flowing into his home from the sack I carried them in.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAnd the next day I saw him, he came into my shop looking deflated, covered in tiny scratches and bites. He barely made eye contact with me or anyone around him and came meekly to the counter.  Carrying a little chocolate bar, reaching for his wallet.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eI said \"It's ok kid, I know what its like to get slowly eaten away by little rodents.  This one is on me.\" and shot him a little knowing wink.  He looked confused for a moment before stepping backwards into the doritos display knocking some packets to the floor his eyes opening like saucers realizing it was me that unleashed horror into his world the evening before. He truly understood  in that moment that there are monsters in the world you cant predict, understand or even see coming.  They live in plain sight and you will never be safe.  He knew there in my shop to fear me and what I was capable of.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe kids stopped shop lifting from me after that point.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cbr\u003e • |ω･)ﾉ\u003cbr\u003e • 100% combed and ringspun cotton\u003cbr\u003e• Powered by bad vibes\u003cbr\u003e • Fabric weight: 4.2 oz\/yd² (142.40 g\/m²)\u003cbr\u003e • 30 singles thread weight\u003cbr\u003e • Side-seamed\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"dogecore","offers":[{"title":"White \/ XS","offer_id":39976315027516,"sku":"8015984_8658","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XS","offer_id":39976315060284,"sku":"8015984_8628","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ S","offer_id":39976315093052,"sku":"8015984_8629","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ S","offer_id":39976315125820,"sku":"8015984_8659","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ M","offer_id":39976315158588,"sku":"8015984_8630","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ M","offer_id":39976315191356,"sku":"8015984_8660","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ L","offer_id":39976315224124,"sku":"8015984_8631","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ L","offer_id":39976315256892,"sku":"8015984_8661","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":39976315289660,"sku":"8015984_8632","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":39976315322428,"sku":"8015984_8662","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":39976315355196,"sku":"8015984_8633","price":21.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":39976315387964,"sku":"8015984_8663","price":21.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/2425\/9991\/products\/55_8bb90523-2c19-402f-bb21-7a170c0cd26d.jpg?v=1649166960"},{"product_id":"im-stupid-tanktop","title":"im stupid - tanktop","description":"\u003cp data-en-clipboard=\"true\" data-pm-slice=\"0 0 []\"\u003eI need to stop doing acid.  Every time I drop it recently I do something really stupid and I wake up the next day trying to piece together the actions I did whilst high and try to work out if any of it makes any sense.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDid I make a fool of myself?  Were those people really after me?  Did that cool leaf I found really sing me the song of its people?  Everything feels like half truths but in your own memory.  Fractured like you've just woken up from a dream however you're unsure what parts are a dream and what parts are actual memories.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt can be torturous and today is easily the worst.  I run out to my back yard and see if the small door is there on the wall to my shed but of course its not.  Why would there be a tiny 2 foot tall wooden door on the side of my shed?  I stare at where I remember it being, puzzled for a second scratching my chin trying to remember.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eLast nights a bit of a haze but I do recall coming outside for a smoke and noticing the door here.  It baffled me and I remember walking over to it to get a better look.  It appeared ancient and although my vision was a little wavy I knew it was real. \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eI slowly opened the door and to my surprise it was not my shed that it led to, but another space entirely.  An old smokey, poorly lit room with wooden furniture and some figures clouded in shadow.  They were sat facing a round table playing some kind of card game. \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt was only when I crawled through the door did the figures notice me there.  Looking confused on my hands and knees, probably a sorry sight.  But how could I not look confused with what I was seeing?  As I got closer to the table I recognised them.. They were dogs.  Smoking pipes! Drinking Whisky! Laughing to themselves over a poker game.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt was surreal.  I remember my old history teacher telling me that dogs would do this all the time when they existed.  That they were expert poker players and its theorised humans learned the game from dogs.  But of course that was just bullshit right?  Stuff you tell children at night to help them sleep.  But I was looking at it and I swear to you it was real.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThey beckoned me closer and pushed out a seat, nodding for me to sit and join them which of course I did.  I was trying to keep it together when the bulldog to my left said\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\"Buy in is $500, you either play or leave.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\"I'm sorry but I don't have that kind of cash on me, just my credit card on google pay\" I replied weakly.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\"We accept all forms of financial transactions including applepay, american express, paypal etc etc. \" he told me, pulling out a card machine from under the table and pushing it in my direction.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eI couldn't help but feel obligated.  Besides this is obviously some kind of dream or mad hallucination.  I pulled out my phone and held it above the machine until it beeped, he waited a moment until it was authorised before sliding my chips over to me.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eA large St Bernard slapped me on the shoulder like an old friend and the game began.  I won a few rounds but it wasn't long before I started losing hard and within an hour I had lost it all.  I jokily offered my shirt and to my surprise got another chip for it but that quickly went and I had nothing more to play with and now no shirt.  I just sat there with my tits out looking like I was about to cry until one of the dogs said\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\"This is just sad, you're ruining the vibes in here pal.  Can you go back to your idiot loser house and cry alone please?\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAnd the whole table erupted.  Laughing at me.  I started to cry and stormed towards the door but had to then get on my knees and crawl outside as they laughed behind me.  I ran back into the house and went straight to sleep, totally exhausted by what had just transpired.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBut there is no door there now its just my shed like normal.  What a crazy dream.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eLater that day I go to buy cigarettes and my card declines.  I just got paid so I'm unsure how this is possible but when I login to my internet bank I can see $1500 was withdrawn last night.  I don't know whats real anymore.  I ask the cashier if he's real and he just looks at me dead eyed and says \"probably not\" and goes back to work.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e•\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e wake up\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e • 100% combed and ringspun cotton\u003cbr\u003e • Fabric weight: 4.2 oz\/yd² (142.40 g\/m²)\u003cbr\u003e • 30 singles thread weight cool right? idk\u003cbr\u003e • 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data-pm-slice=\"0 0 []\" data-en-clipboard=\"true\"\u003eI thought I was losing my mind at first.  Little things were going missing in my house like coins I had left on the side table would be there one day and gone the next.  I usually hang my keys up by the door but I would find them in the microwave when I was about to make a really sad dinner for myself.  I'd never put my keys in the microwave as that doesn't make any sense.  What good would microwaving a set of keys do?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBut these strange happenings kept occurring and they're even getting in the way of my career.  I run a youtube channel where I interview war veterans in VR chat (my avatar is a giant hotdog man) about how they got their PTSD during combat.  Intense conversations about the brutality of war from the people who have experienced it but their avatar is Hatsune Miku and I'm interviewing them in a virtual car driving nowhere in the rain.   Recently I couldn't find my VR headset for over a week and only found it by chance under my kitchen sink behind a bottle of bleach.  Who was moving all these items around my house?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe thing is I live alone and rarely have guests.  I don't even leave the house much right now I just get everything delivered to my door.  I do have a life though I'm not a total loser, I spend 8 hours a day in the metaverse that is VRchat with my friends.  But I digress - The point I'm trying to make is that the only person who could have hidden these things has to have been myself.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSo that's why I thought I was losing my mind.  I thought maybe I've developed some form of dementia but I'm young so I figured I was probably sleepwalking.  I had heard of people doing some unusual things in their sleep.  My pal told me once that he slept walked into his housemates room one evening and pissed all  over her playstation 5.  She wasn't in at the time so he told her a rogue pigeon must have gotten into her room or something and just pissed all over the place as pigeons do.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eI setup a camera in the corner of my room to watch me sleep and to see if I'm getting out of bed in the middle of the night.  And the next day I fast forwarded through the footage and that's when I first caught sight of it.  I had to slow the footage down and zoom in for a better look and I could not believe it.  Crawling into my room was a tiny humanoid creature, about 1 foot high, covered in rags.  It walked around my room on scaly green skinned feet confidently like it didn't care I was asleep and began going through my wardrobe for a few minutes before taking one of my shoes and exiting the room.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eI ran over to my wardrobe and the fucking shoe was gone!  The little bastard had ran into the night with it.  Maybe I am losing my mind as this isn't possible.  I had to seek council from somebody who could either analyse my psyche or explain what I had seen.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSo I logged into VRchat and asked around, asked if anyone had any familiarity with what I was experiencing. \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\"Anyone have an issue where things are going missing in their home and there seems to be gnomes fucking with them?\" I asked in one of the rooms that looks like an old tavern\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eA 3 inch tall worm avatar with a London accent said -\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\"That'll be goblins mate.  My mum had them for months we had to call the local druid to purge the house of them, nasty bastard things.\"\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eI had to lay on the floor to chat with him as he was so tiny.  Just a tiny little worm person talking to me in a thick cockney accent.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\"What are you talking about?  Goblins?  Druids?  That's insane\" I said\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\"Nah mate, goblins are real and they will slowly drive you mental.  You need to either capture it yourself or find a druid to help you as they're real good at getting rid of goblins for some reason.  I think its like an 'old world' thing if you get me.\"  He then wriggled away like that was the most normal statement he had ever said.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHe's got to be fucking with me right?  I googled 'Jacksonville Florida, Druids' but the nearest druid was all the way in New Orleans.  From what I've read they don't tend to drive so that guy was out of the question, I'd have to try capture this goblin myself.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThat evening I setup a little trap.  I emptied out my freezer of all its trays so there would be more space.  Then I setup some elastic bands around the door to the frame, so when you open the door it will slam shut itself, before using a spoon to prop the door permanently open.  Then in the freezer I placed something that I know a goblin would no doubt go for, something of value.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eI understood that to defeat a goblin I would have to think like a goblin.  I would have to go into 'goblin mode' so to speak.  So I thought 'If I was a goblin what would I want to fuck up just to annoy somebody' and I knew exactly the item in my home for the task.  It's been locked up in a safe for years now so the goblin probably didn't even know it was in the house.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt was a princess Diana decorative plate my grandmother left me in her will for some reason.  I never really understood why this was the only thing she gave me when my brother got the house but she didn't have an oculus rift so we rarely talked when she was alive.  My gran loved princess Dianna its a shame the Queen had her quadra smashed in that Parisian tunnel.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBut I knew it was valuable and I knew a goblin would not be able to resist Princess Diana's beautiful face painted on fragile ceramic.    So I placed it gently in the freezer, propped the door and stood back at my trap.  The plan being the goblin would enter the freezer, trip the wooden spoon and the door would slam shut locking it in there.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eI felt quite smug about myself and my trap so that night I logged into the metaverse and entered one of the cinema rooms to relax.  I drank red wine from the bottle using a straw as to not get it all over myself and watched Spiderman 2 whilst people yelled all around me.  'Never alone' I thought with a little smile.  I had to zap block this German guy out of reality because changes his avatar to a giant Panzer tank and was blocking the screen yelling in his native tongue about something I couldn't understand.  He nearly made me miss the moment Peter Parker says 'Pizza Time' which gives me a little belly chuckle.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eI slept soundly that night and the next day I jumped out of bed to see if my trap had worked.  And guess what?  The door to my freezer was shut and I was excited but also a bit scared.  I grabbed a frying pan and slowly opened the door, ready to batter the cunt if it was still alive in there.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSlowly the light illuminated what was inside... I first noticed the princess Diana plate in pieces before seeing a tiny figure in the corner, curled up into a little ball, knees up to its eyes covering its face.  A tiny little goblin person frozen solid in my freezer.  I prodded it with the pan but it didn't move, in fact the pan made a clang against the poor thing.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eI did feel initially a bit sad but mostly relieved.  I took some photos of it on my phone to show people so they knew I wasn't insane and then thought about how I could dispose of the creature.  I thought about maybe smashing it up with a hammer and flushing it down the drain or toilet but that seemed a little too macabre.  But I needed it gone from my home ASAP, who knows if goblins can survive being frozen.  What if it comes back alive and uses one of these shards of princess Diana commemorative plate to slash my throat whilst I sleep?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ethe thought of that freaked me the fuck out so I put on some rubber gloves, grabbed the goblin and ran to the upstairs window and threw it as hard as I could.  I'd been playing a lot of wii tennis recently so my arms are pretty strong and I knew I would be able to throw it pretty far, plus it was pretty light.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eI watched it sail through the air in slow motion which is when I noticed my neighbor had parked in front of my house instead of his own.  The frozen goblin twirled through the air tumbling towards my neighbors Toyota and it landed with a smash right on the windscreen.  It didn't even go through the windscreen it just jutted awkwardly halfway in the car and halfway out and then the car alarm started screaming, bringing attention to the scene. \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eI closed all the curtains quickly.  Shit... There's no way anyone will suspect it's me right?  I wait a moment before going to my front door, opening it and staring at the Toyota, lights flashing, alarm blaring.  I put on a confused face as if to say 'I've come to see what all the noise is about' and my neighbor runs outside, stare at his car and puts his hands on his head.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\"Everything alright Jim?\" I shout\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHe looks at me and then at his windscreen, then back at me and yells\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\"Somebodies thrown a fucking goblin through my windscreen!\" In utter disbelief.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\"Oh yeah I think I saw that trending on Tiktok, kids these days huh?\" I shout back at him, shrugging my shoulders.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHe stares at me for an awkward amount of time before going back to gazing at his windscreen goblin.  He looks like how Britain felt when Brexit happened, just pure confusion and shock at the state of it all.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eI close the door slowly and go back into my house, I've work to do.  There's a former marine who stabbed 4 people to death in \u003cspan\u003eFallujah I\u003c\/span\u003e'm interviewing tonight and his avatar is Totoro of Studio Ghibli fame.  It's going to do numbers on youtube I'm telling you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e• now a little goblin lives rent free in your head\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e • 100% combed and ringspun cotton\u003cbr\u003e • Fabric weight: 4.2 oz\/yd² (142.40 g\/m²)\u003cbr\u003e\u003cspan data-mce-fragment=\"1\"\u003e• Infused with ORC energy\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e • 30 singles thread weight\u003cbr\u003e • Side-seamed\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"dogecore","offers":[{"title":"True Royal \/ XS","offer_id":40117338832956,"sku":"9418154_8640","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"True Royal \/ S","offer_id":40117338865724,"sku":"9418154_8641","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"True Royal \/ M","offer_id":40117338931260,"sku":"9418154_8642","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"True Royal \/ L","offer_id":40117338996796,"sku":"9418154_8643","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"True Royal \/ XL","offer_id":40117339062332,"sku":"9418154_8644","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"True Royal \/ 2XL","offer_id":40117339127868,"sku":"9418154_8645","price":21.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XS","offer_id":40117338800188,"sku":"9418154_8658","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ S","offer_id":40117338898492,"sku":"9418154_8659","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ M","offer_id":40117338964028,"sku":"9418154_8660","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ L","offer_id":40117339029564,"sku":"9418154_8661","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":40117339095100,"sku":"9418154_8662","price":20.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":40117339160636,"sku":"9418154_8663","price":21.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/2425\/9991\/products\/5_7ddf73ac-b908-43b0-b01a-7c8e07c57598.jpg?v=1653398886"},{"product_id":"sleepyhead-tanktop","title":"sleepyhead - 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I never really wanted kids so I got a dog instead and I treated him like my own son. Me and my wife would take him to doggy daycare 3 times a week and he would be so excited to be there. I got the impression he would want to stay there forever if he had the choice. I would call it 'dog school' and ask him questions about his day like he understood me in the evenings after I brought him home.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eBut he's gone. I know he's not there anymore... But the husk is. The weird shell he used to animate, the body I used to call my boy, was frozen in place at the top of the steps outside the bathroom like some kind of golem. We both knew it was coming, he was 16 years old and most dogs don't live that long. I've already cried about it and when I saw it had come to pass it felt almost like relief. I didn't need to carry him up the stairs anymore because he couldn't do it himself.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eI squatted down and stroked his head, he looked so peaceful. It felt odd like stroking a hairy brick, he's not there anymore. I hope I go out this way, in my bed asleep. I wonder what he was dreaming about towards the end\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThe next day we begin the preparations. My wife and I have always known what we would do in this situation and we had been planning it for a while now. Some might think it macabre but we thought it was romantic and a little poetic, it's what he would have wanted.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eShe was crying a lot more than me. I was trying to stay strong, thinking about how proud I was of my little boy, such a good dog. She nearly broke down when we removed the small ship from the shed it's been stored in for the past 6 months. The guy did a good job making this custom viking longboat for us. my wife did some research on local carpenters once the vet gave me the bad news and got everything prepared ahead of time. 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